MERRY MASS OF CHRIST!

As we rapidly approach what is for many the biggest holiday of the year, I have been riding the waves of Christmases past and the way in which the symbolism has continued to evolve within me. I am profoundly grateful for the transformation of past theological belief systems that only made Christmas the celebration of a far off historical super-man. If there is one thing that feels particularly clear this 2010 holiday season, it is that the commemoration of this birthday will either have personal implications, or it is merely a pleasant but impotent church ordained feast day. I have been reminding audiences this Advent that the Christ and Jesus is not the same thing. They are not synonymous. As silly as it sounds and is, Christ was also not Jesus’ sir name. Jesus was a historical man that literally became an embodiment of the Christed Presence. He actualized the I Am principle while still here on earth. He so realized the Divine potential that is inherent in all of us that people began to make him an exception instead of an example. For me this misses the message he so passionately taught and demonstrated. We are each and every one of us the Christ of G-awed. The Christed I Am Presence is Who we are by virtue of our Sourced creation. We are the out breath and eternal exhalation of the One. The Word was spoken and we are here. It is for us now to become the Word of the One in time and space reality. That is our purpose, our power, our privilege, and our responsibility. Jesus recognized this purpose, and it became his passion. He so tapped into the One Presencing Power that his focused Source intention gave way to seeming miracles while he was on earth. He saw the Goodness of Source underlying all manifestation, and this insight changed whatever he looked upon. This was the great Light that prophets had predicted. He became the fulfillment of the prophesy. He became the embodiment of the Light. He so knew Who he was that no effect had any power over him. Does this demonstration deserve celebration? Absolutely. But not as a religious messiah that redeemed humankind. To celebrate the actualization of the Christ by the man Jesus is to humbly and courageously follow the example he gave by stepping into and out from this same Christed Presence. It is to become who and what we already are in Truth right here in the manifest realm. It is to allow ourselves to align so completely within our Source that our very Beingness is an aura of Living Love Light wherever we go and in whatever we do.

This Christmas allow the Advent season and the celebration of the Light to be less about Jesus and more about you. Honor his legacy by becoming your own destiny. Recognize that Christ is not the domain of one religion, but the Essence of all Reality. It is the Light of the Unconditioned making ItSelf known in form. It is the practical, applied, useful Light within our own hearts that is transforming this world. It is always awaiting recognition beneath the cacophony of our noisy minds. It is found in the still, silent night of our open inner chamber. Remember that Christ is beyond what can really be born. Christ is and has always been. It is for us to awaken to it. Like Jesus did. Like all the avatars and enlightened ones have. And now it is our turn. It is occurring. It is taking on momentum. The critical mass is shifting as more and more individuals become the embodiment of Christ. This mass shift to the Christed Presence is in a very literal way the Mass of Christ. This is the deeper meaning of this holiday. This is the way to truly honor the legacy of Jesus. In the broader demonstration, Jesus did become synonymous with Christ. In the same way, we are each being called to open into the same transcendence. The only thing stopping you is the identification with the limiting labels of the surface mind. It is the entranced synchronization with the emotional content. None of that is true. What is True and eternal is the Christ by any name becoming embodied at this time and in this place.

With all the beauty, celebration, libation, and materialism that accompany this holiday, may you not lose sight that Christmas is about YOU! It is about me. It is about the One Christ in mass expression. You are already the Light you seek. And now it is time to Shine!

Merry Mass of Christ.

DECEMBER RADICAL EXPRESSION

A LAMP THAT KEPT ON BURNING, A MIRACLE THEY SAY
BUT THE WORLD HAS KEPT ON TURNING, ARE THERE MIRACLES TODAY?
EVERYONE THAT LIGHTS THE CANDLES HAS A BIT OF ANCIENT SPARK
WE ARE MIRACLES LIGHTING UP THE DARK…..

I came upon the preceding lyric in a holiday collection CD several years ago, and the song has become a seasonal favorite of mine. I actually use it every evening during Hanukkah, allowing the poetry and gorgeous melody to be the background for my heartful lighting of the lights. While I was not born into the Jewish tradition, it has gifted me with several rituals that have expanded my awareness and deepened my Source sensitivity. Some of the most profound teachers for me in this incarnation are also from the Jewish heritage, and so it is with heart-felt appreciation that I prepare to light the candles of Hanukkah 2010.

We begin the month of December with the Festival of Lights, and end the month and this calendar year with the next to final candle of Kwanzaa. I have long used candles in my personal sacred practice, and have developed a deeper and broader resonance with the symbol not only in times of holiday, but in my day-to-day reverencing. I actually lit a candle before I began to write the words that you are reading now. The act of lighting a candle reminds me that life is sacred, and that the ongoing invitation of a wakeful life is to remember the Light Essence at the core of all there is. As the above song reminds us, “everyone who lights the candles has a bit of ancient spark.” This is of course true for those who never go near a tapered flame. It is true of people from every and from no religious tradition equally, and theology or belief varies not the origin of our Being. Practices are meant to be reminders. There is no inherent power in the lighting of a candle. It doesn’t make anything true that isn’t already true. But the lights of Hanukkah, Christmas, and of the cultural celebration of Kwanzaa are lit to remind us of the ancient spark that literally exists in every cell of our bodies. The practices that lead to expanded awareness turn up the flame of Truth in our energy systems. It is tangible. When we are consciously connected into our Source we can feel Life as it contains us and moves through us. This Light and Life is the animating force of all that is and ever will be. The remembrance of this Living Light gives way to the miraculous first in our hearts, and then in our world. It is the remembrance of Source, of Primal Cause, of the G-awed of many names. Remembering what is Sourcing us profoundly changes us. I am not speaking of a concept. I am pointing to the deep, profound, intimate experience that only total surrender can provide. This is the internal shift that leads to transcendence. It is the One power that allows a day’s worth of temple oil to fuel a flame for seven more. To answer the question within that song, there are indeed miracles today! They are all around us for they are occurring deep within us. Every time we remember Source in the midst of our fears, a miracle occurs. Every time we surrender our control and relax into Soulful cooperation, a miracle occurs. Every time we stop to light a candle and to breathe into prayer, a miracle occurs. When we choose to live lives of active, faithful surrender, we recognize that we are In Sourced for we are IN Source. We then flow with what is, and allow for what seeks to be. We relax our resistance, and align In the Light. We become the Source Light that then shines through the darkness of unconsciousness. With or without a physical candle, our Beingness burns brightly with a Light that keeps on burning.

My prayer this Festival of Lights is that I remain in continual Remembrance of Source Light, and that I maintain an open heart through which that Light may shine. I humbly recognize that I am a miracle, and I celebrate that so are you. May the ancient spark be fanned by these love-inspired words, and may you shine as brightly as you were born to shine.

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Appreciation Creation

One of my hero’s in life was once an impoverished little girl in the backwoods of Mississippi who didn’t have indoor plumbing until she was almost a teenager. When she was a little girl, her grandma took her out in the side yard to teach her how to hang the washing on the clothes line, something grandma assured her she would need to know how to do. From somewhere deep inside that little with the funny name, she knew that as much as she loved and respected her precious grandma, she would not be hanging laundry on a clothesline in Mississippi. And indeed, Oprah Winfrey never did. She intuited that she was born for more, and she was somehow going to tap in to that inspiration, and let it guide her to the path she was called to follow. She met many obstacles along the way, hurtles that have stopped other people with perhaps less disadvantages before them. Yet she kept moving forward, and the world is a better place for the contributions this remarkable woman has made. Countless lives have been touched, and she is a wayshower for multiple generations. She transcended boundaries that leave an open way for millions more to follow. And perhaps key to the philosophy that has led to so much achievement is a sense of gratitude and appreciation that seems to have been innate in her from the earliest of years.

One of my favorite Oprah quotes is “If you focus on what you have, you’ll always have more. If you focus on what you don’t have, you’ll never have enough.” We scientifically know that energy always flows where attention goes. Whatever we focus on expands in our experience. I have come to know in my own life that it is not only the WHAT of our focus that is important. Yes, focus energizes. But HOW we focus is the factor that determines what the energizing effect will be. If we look at and thus energize an appearance in our life, believing that it is a solid reality to be fought, we will actually get more of what we are fighting against. The resistance is a strange attractor that assures the continuation of whatever we are fighting. Bringing a heartful Presence to an appearance has a radically different effect. When we can view the world and its appearances through the lens of the spiritual heart, a deeper wisdom is activated and a transformative power is unleashed. Having the intention to see beyond mere appearances graces us with insight and vision. The heart has no need of doing battle, because in the heart is the Knowingness that all things are ultimately in service of the greater whole. The underlying atmosphere within the heart is a deep and abiding appreciation. It is grateful at a level that transcends the mind and its dualistic programming. It beholds life as a sacred emergence that isn’t logical or linear. It doesn’t look for what is missing, for what is in need of fixing, or for what needs to be cast out. The wisdom of the heart takes in the depth and the breadth of a constant spiraling of consciousness being played out in form. It is all for good, even those appearances that trigger our most aberrant reactions. It is all an out picturing of Law, and as we awaken more to the mechanics of creation, we will more skillfully create our world as a reflection of Who we are at the deepest level.

And so at this time of Thanksgiving, we look on not only what we have, but at Who we are In the heart of the Beloved. We focus our heartful attention on that, and it expands in our experience. We Presence and we compassion the tendency to look at what we don’t have, and in that merciful inner atmosphere, we make a different choice. We recognize and we celebrate the physics of our attention, and we consciously utilize a felt-sense appreciation as the energetic of conscious co-creation. Beholding our inner worlds and the outer realms with a Presencing, appreciative embrace has a transformative and powerful effect. We live in a container of thanksgiving and gratitude, and this lens calls forth the goodness and the beauty that are indeed ever-present. We include all of life, and in our choice to fight or reject nothing, it is all used for the highest of our Soulful emergence. And whether we hang laundry on a clothesline in Mississippi, run a billion dollar Media Empire, or lead a quiet and unassuming life of simplicity and service, we will know that our grateful hearts have left a legacy of love for generations to come.

Look at what you have and what you are, and be grateful indeed.

NOVEMBER RADICAL EXPRESSION

In a world of instant access and quantum technology, I find myself longing for a deeper level of intimacy and connection that simply isn’t available via the internet or social networks. It seems as though most people are so entranced by today’s myriad forms of instant information that the glare of data is reflected in the deadening stare of mesmerized eyes. Everywhere I go I see couples that are physically together, yet are texting and talking with others and not the least bit present to the one they are actually with. I have witnessed entire tables full of people in restaurants that are completely ensconced in their mobile devices, the only exchanges being a sporadic sharing of something of interest on a screen. While the interconnection of the cosmic mind is being reflected powerfully in our current technology and media outlets, it seems to be also demonstrating for us the limitations of mind-content identification and the deadening effects of that ever active thinking apparatus. How often do you experience the feeling that even when you are in the same space with someone, they really aren’t fully there? Do you also sometimes suspect that when you are having a phone conversation with someone, they are clearly engaged in something else at the same time? Do you notice that there is an increasing vacancy in the eyes of many you are conversing with? Do you ever sense the diminishing depth of intimacy where programming and information is replacing raw honesty and heart connection? Have you ever had the sobering realization that the main culprit in this line of questioning is the one reflected in the mirror? The lens of conditioning is glazing over the reality of true vision. We are looking and we are often not seeing. We are hearing and we are not listening. We are colliding and we are not touching.

There is nothing lonelier than being with someone when they truly are not there. Mind-identification and multi-tasking aren’t benign when they are robbing us of real connection. It seems to me that the unconscious thrust of all this whirling data is to prevent us from feeling the depth of grief of what we have lost so long ago; the True and Real connection to our Source, the depth of our experience of our own Soulful Selves, and the interconnection to the Whole of Creation that has been perceptually severed and forgotten. This is what we most crave. It cannot be replaced by sound bytes and Facebook friends. It cannot be found via 253 Dish channels or the highest of internet speeds. You will not locate Source by texting or palm piloting. And try as we may, we cannot think our way to G-awed.

Intimacy is a quality of attention to attention itself. It is a way of presence that is beyond the mind and intrinsic to the heart. It is behind the conditioning and beyond the programming. It is found not on a screen but in the depths of the eyes of those we are heartfully with. I invite you to look and really see. Listen and really hear. Speak and really say something. The hurt we try so hard not to feel is the call to return. It is the call to return to our self. To return to the direct experience the One Self. It hurts to live inauthentically. It pains us to be out of our integrity. We may suppress that ache, but it will not forever be denied. The perception of separation has tragic consequences in time and space reality, and eternity is even now shaking us to awaken. We can deaden our senses, but we cannot dim the Essence of our Life. Life is intimacy and connection, tenderness and touching. We are in a Unified Field that is ItSelf a loving embrace, and our contraction and withholding from each other is to far out of synch with Truth to be maintained for long. We are by nature the other’s keeper, and the pain of disconnection will eventually bring us home. Religious or political or racial distinctions cannot touch who we are at depth, and it is to the Deep that we are now summoned.

So consider putting down the phone, turning off the TV or computer, and really paying attention to attention. Be intimate with the moment and all that it contains. Feel your own heart. Touch your own tender places. Look deeply within and attend to all that is there. And then give those same gifts to all who enter your sphere. Return to the radiance of intimacy, the splendor of tenderness. Listen, watch, feel life as it moves in and through you, and as it connects you with all that is. Paying attention to attention is loving deeply whatever arises. And loving deeply whatever arises is to live wakefully and intimately within the One.

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ENDING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Last October, I posted the following Blog and felt compelled to share it once again. Though I have never repeated a writing here, my heart tells me to do so now. I am trusting the intuition, and so here it is.....

The month of October is designated as National Domestic Violence Awareness month. I am blessed to live in a town that has encouraged its citizens to bring particular attention to this tragic phenomenon by hosting several free and open events, and by inviting us to place purple lights in the windows of our homes. Even as I prayerfully placed a light in the center window of my house, I recognized that awareness of this particular type of cruelty is only a beginning in the emergence of its healing. I feel deep within my heart that it is not just awareness, but the quality of that awareness that either propagates or transforms these manifestations of grief and rage. To remain in and take action from a place of judgment and resistance always energizes and attracts more of what we are focusing on and fighting against. To just say no never ended the proverbial war on drugs, and “Act Up-Fight AIDS” has never led to its cure. As paradoxical as it may seem, the termination of any unwanted effect must begin with a complete acceptance that the condition already exists. To fight what already is, is futile at the energetic level. To say it shouldn’t be is fruitless. There is domestic violence in our communities, country, and in our world. That is what it is. And acknowledging that it is already so, what is it that we may now be and do to contribute to its transcendence?

Domestic violence is usually framed in its most prevalent form: acts of physical, mental, emotional, sexual abuse against a woman by a man. This is by no means the only form of domestic violence. It occurs in all variations of human relationships; woman to woman, man to man, woman to man, parent to child, human to animal, etc. Many years ago I endured emotional and physical violence in a relationship to which I repeatedly returned. At that time, I unconsciously thought it was what I deserved. I had encountered it as a child, and so it was familiar as an adult. This psychological condition is played out with great regularity. Very often there is both subtle and blatant criticism of the perpetrated. How could they return after such horrid treatment? Without continuing with an analysis as to the particulars of these scenarios, it is the over all state of human consciousness that points to the origin of these and all acts of violence.

Domestic violence begins not in the home but in the self. The atmosphere within our own hearts and minds is very often demeaning and abusive. In an age of heightened analysis and sophisticated neurosis, we perhaps treat ourselves worse than in any time in human history. We often use psycho-spirituality as yet another way to beat ourselves up, and tear ourselves down. This inner rage cannot help but be reflected in the outer. The quality of our relationships mirrors perfectly the quality of our inner-attentiveness. Even our language is filled with violent images and abusive descriptivism. How often do we unconsciously use words that have underlying violent connotations? And how often do we speak tenderly and compassionately to the fearful inner self, terrified in a world of suffering, violence, and war? Violence will never stop in our homes until it ceases in our own inner worlds. It will never terminate in our communities until it stops occurring in our homes. We can fill our windows with purple light bulbs, and until we begin to bring a sustained compassionate attention to our own hurting hearts, it is just wasted electricity.

I know that I for one will never again place my self in a situation to be abused by another human being. I know this for I am devoted to treating myself with the caring, compassion, dignity, and love that an emanation of the One deserves. I commit to treat others with these same Divine qualities. I am a stand not for fighting Domestic Violence, but for being an internal space in which it does not occur. I will gladly stand arm and arm with those in my community who choose to say yes to humane treatment for all living beings. I know and celebrate that my attention is energizing and attractive, and so I use it wisely. I surround myself with the unconditional Love of my Source, and I let that Light radiate to all I observe. Domestic Violence stops here and now in me, and that is my personal contribution to a world at peace.

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A SOULFUL REINVENTION

One of the spiritual teachers that I greatly admire will often speak of the act of "reinventing" ourselves repeatedly throughout our life experiences. While I truly love the work of this remarkable woman, I am often left a bit internally chaotic when feeling into the deeper levels of this concept. I often reflect on the number of times in my own incarnation when I have tried to force a different story upon myself, in an effort to escape the me I really didn't want to be. While I know this isn't what my mentor is suggesting, it is a slippery ego slope to really discern where this type of goal-setting is coming from. If my intention is to reinvent myself from a place of aversion and self-rejection, the result will be more of what I am trying to escape. It must be; part of our spiritual emergence is the revelation, integration, and embracing of the wounded parts of ourselves that have been rejected and thus split off. In a way, reinvention can be a tactic to not fully deal with the aspects of our personality that are in actuality reactive triggers of our wounded places. It is like putting a veneer over rotting wood. When we try and rid ourselves of these aspects by covering them over, the emotional toxins continue to fester under the revised story. Beneath the attempts at an improved version of our self, the fragmentation continues to unconsciously run the show.

Wholeness occurs through inclusivity. It isn't a bi-product of seeing ourselves as a fixer-upper. At some point, we are called to deepen into the place within that transcends stories, happy or sad. I have personally lived through some tragic episodes for sure. I was so addicted to the drama of me that peace seemed the equivalent of death. I recognize now that all of that pain was a necessary part of my waking up to a place where I could realize that I was the dreamer of those sad, dramatic dreams. Unconscious of my deeper Self, I was the one repeatedly creating hurtful experiences that reflected my own rejecting sense of self. I needed to devote myself to some real and deep inner forgiveness. I needed to attend to the emotional residue that was underlying the mental story line. To simply decide that I was going to be someone else with a better story only denied and further suppressed that which I needed to heal. So for me, to truly reinvent my self was to first be revealed at depth. It was to feel through all the woundedness that was veiling the lens of my heart. It was deepening below the dictates of the personality self, and accessing the Soulful Self which always see’s beyond any need of fixing. And when this type of inner work is really committed to, a reinvention does indeed begin to occur.

This reinvention comes from a place that recognizes that the authentic Who is meant to live a life larger than the wounded self can really even comprehend. It is a reinvention that is steeped in Source Grandeur, not ego-grandiosity. It is a reinvention that flowers forth from a deep Knowingness of worthiness and Oneness. It isn't birthed from a need to be approved of or affirmed. It is an organic expression of what it looks like when Divinity births humanity. It rejects nothing, nor does it identify with the story line of the person telling the tale. This reinvention is an expression of the recognition that we are truly here on earth to live magnificent, joyful, passionately loving lives. We are here to truly and to freely shine. We are here to radiate our spirits and give our greatest gifts. The whole of who I am is still in the realm of story, but it is being told from the depths of the One Who is beyond a surface tale. And when the personality self is Sourced from the Soul, the result is an emerging reinvention that continues to more and more reflect the possibility inherent in living our greatest potential right here on earth.

Another reinvention has been occurring in me for the past several months. Something deeper has been calling to me, and has been seeking through me a fuller expression of what I am inspired to give. I lovingly think of myself as a bit of a late bloomer, and I feel heartfully that I have yet to give my greatest gift. I continually ask into the depths of myself as to what is seeking to emerge now? I sense the place in me that is finally beyond attachment to the form my Soulful expression takes. I simply want to align myself with the Source of my Being, listen into the very heart of the moment, and freely give of the talents I have been given in a way that blesses whoever is called to partake. I am open as to how that may change and evolve. One of the practical expressions of this call to expansion is the redesign of my web-site and blog system. This creative endeavor has been flowing forth for many months, and the first phase of the launch will occur on this coming Monday, October 13th. My husband Donald is the architect of the new site, and it has been a great gift to work on this venture together. I am excited to share this project with all of you, and enthusiastic to continue to utilize advanced technologies in giving my gifts.

Monday happens also to be National Coming Out Day, and while it is a chance for LGBT people all over the country and world to be more out, open, and authentic as to who we really are, it is also for me a further coming out and owning of my spiritual gifts. I am stepping even further out of the closet of hidden spiritual Power. I have a mission here, and that mission is to freely give my greatest gifts of love. I can’t fit into the status quo critical mass and be who I am called to be. I can’t play small and fulfill that mission. And so another reinvention is flowering forth, and I am showing up more fully as Who I am meant to be. I invite you to explore any places where you are still hiding in the limiting story, and see if it isn’t time that you came out too. You don’t have to launch a web-site or write a book to be more of Who you truly are.

So come and take a look at www.taylorestevens.com on Monday, October 13th. See the reinvention of the site, and feel the reinvention of my self. And then join me in coming out fully as an actualized expression of love here on earth.

OCTOBER RADICAL EXPRESSION

I often like to begin my days with a heartful inquiry that goes something like this:

IF I ABSOLUTELY KNEW THAT I AM AN EXPRESSION OF THE ONE LOVE LIVING IN AND AS THAT UNIVERSAL LOVE, HOW WOULD I SPEND THIS DAY?

This inquiry always spawns a myriad of subsequent questions. “How would I behold myself and my world if my only reality was Love? What might I be inspired to give and to achieve if I remained aligned within the Universe of One Love? What would my inner atmosphere feel like if my only internal response was one of Love? What past stories would be shined away if they were seen through the lens of present Love? What self-opinion might I surrender if I truly knew that my Essential Self is only Love? What internal wars would be stilled if they were held in the Loving Embrace of my Sourced Loving Self? How might I be used in the service of the Grand Awakening if my only contribution was Love?”

When I speak of knowing I am not pointing to intellectual assent or New Thought concept. When love is a mental notion it is devoid of any lasting and causal power. The surface mind, being an instrument of duality, cannot know unconditional love. When we as humans were small children, our authentic Essence nature of unconditional Love was open, accessible, and impressionable. We were experientially wide open beings of authentic love. We gave that love readily, and expected it in return. The scope of the ensuing dynamics is beyond the scope of this writing; suffice it to say that when we were totally open as Love, we received a conditioned reaction that spoke to us energetically of something less than what we actually are. We wanted to give and to receive the wide open love that we in actuality are, and in some way we were met with disapproval, rejection, contraction, and even shame. This resulted in a pulling back into a protective posture. It resulted in a belief that who we are when we are authentic and open is unacceptable. We made an emotional equation that being love results in some form of rejection. That is the great illusion that has trapped humankind; the belief that there is a power other than love that holds dominion over our authentic Self. We have in this great illusion become fearful of giving our love, of being our love. As illogical as it seems to the mind, we actually have come to fear love. And that, my dear readers, is hell.

And so though at times the return to Source seems complicated and bound by time, the return is really only a remembrance. It is the remembrance that behind this childhood wounding, Love remains the Essence of our being. It is only known as it is given. It becomes a reality when it is practically applied. The journey back requires that we move emotionally through these early woundings, feeling fully the energy that has been blocked by our own reactive pullback. This does not require a story. This wounding occurred before we were mental beings. It does not require time, as Love is of eternity. It does not require endless processing, which is a favorite ploy of the egoic mind. It requires merely our own undivided loving attention. Remembering that for most of us love equals rejection, we must be diligent in our opening. We must be vigilant in our heartfulness. We must be relentless in our capacity to include. LOVE REJECTS NOTHING. It’s concentric, radical acceptance is what transforms our fearful withholding into loving expression. We are returned to the authentic, Essential, giving, loving Selves that we were when we entered these incarnations. We may still wince at the emotional memory of rejection, pullback, and shame. And yet that wince becomes the invitation to widen the heart and pour forth the love. The love you seek is the love you are. The love you are is the love you choose to give. The love you give is the contribution you make. And the contribution you make is the G-awed you truly are.

And so my friend, IF YOU ABSOLUTELY KNEW THAT YOU ARE AN EXPRESSION OF THE ONE LOVE LIVING IN AND AS THAT UNIVERSAL LOVE, HOW WOULD YOU SPEND THIS DAY? You already are that Love. Beyond the dualistic images and emotional wounds, you are that Love. And you will Know this beyond knowing as you choose each moment to live In and give As that Source Unconditional Loving vibration. There is no part of you that needs to be fixed. There is nothing broken. There is nothing to reject. Simply Be the Love you already are. Face the fear my favored friend, and Be the Love.

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THE SIN OF SELF-DIMINISHMENT

Educator and author Parker Palmer has written that the only real sin is “conspiring in one’s own self-diminishment.” There has always been something about that notion that has struck a deep chord in me. As most of my readers will have heard, the word “sin” is a centuries old archery term which literally means to “miss the mark.” While it is spiritually incorrect to speak of sin to most New Thought audiences, Mr. Palmer gives us a workable and meaningful definition that when coupled with the archery term opens the door to a radical clearing of what keeps us in the throws of conspiring in our own self- diminishment.

At the time of this writing, we are in the ten days between the Jewish High Holy Days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. This period of time is termed the “Days of Awe,” and represents the opportunity to forgive whatever has occurred since last the book of life was sealed. The book is re-opened on the New Year, and we are given the gift to look within our personal books of life to see where we have missed the mark in the past year. As the book will be re-sealed at the end of Yom Kippur, that day in particular is spent in fasting, self reflection, and prayer. While I was not born into the Jewish tradition, I have observed these days of Awe for many years. I have come to think of it as my “fall house cleaning.” I give myself the gift of extra practice and contemplation, and pay particular attention to the ways in which I have conspired in my own self-diminishment. I reflect energetically into the spirit of the Kol Nidre prayer which is chanted Erev Yom Kippur. This haunting prayer seeks forgiveness for pretending to be what we are not, and for denying what we really are. Historically, this remembers the Spanish Jews who were forced to pretend they were Christians in order to spare their own lives. The Jews pray for forgiveness for breaking promises they couldn’t keep, often due to circumstances beyond their control. For me, it is a self-forgiveness prayer for all the times that I have pretended to be less than what I am by virtue of my Sourced creation. For the times I have played small, and believed and lived from my own self- lies. For the times I have gotten so attached to my own self-aversion that I hide the True Light of my Being from my self and from the world. For the countless times I have betrayed my own promises to treat myself with more compassion, kindness, and merciful respect.

Before the book of life is sealed this week-end, I acknowledge the times I have given my power and authority to an outer source, and then blamed the effects rather than my own unskillful ways. I forgive myself for believing the lies of a bigoted world, and for withholding my gifts in fear of outer criticism and rejection. I am willing to own, during these days of Awe, that no one can criticize, reject, minimize, or diminish me without my willing cooperation. I forgive me the times that I have withheld, recoiled, and pulled back from giving my love fully and freely, and then self-suffering from the contraction of my own closed heart. I forgive me the subtle energetic suicide of my own self aversion, and the sabotaging ways in which I have dimmed my dreams. I forgive me the grip of grievance, the resistance of resentment, and the strangling chokehold of self-righteous unwillingness. I forgive me the disowning of my inherent power to heal, to uplift, and to shine forth as Truth in any circumstance, situation, or relationship. I forgive the unconsciousness and unskillfulness that forgetfulness of Truth brings, and I ask forgiveness of all others I may have offended or hurt since last Yom Kippur.

I forgive me now the many times I have missed the mark of my own Holiness, Worthiness, and Perfection. I forgive the ways both subtle and concrete that I have conspired in my own self diminishment, the ways in which I have pretended to be less than I truly am. And as the book of Life is sealed, I vow to live more fully aligned with the Truth of my Being. I devote myself to uplifting me and all those around me to a place congruent with the Truth of our Sourced Isness. I now conspire to call forth the very best in myself and in all those I encounter. In doing so, I join the Universal conspiracy of bringing forth the very best that this sweet New Year has to offer, and in embodying the liberating Truth that deep forgiveness reveals.

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SEPTEMBER RADICAL EXPRESSION

I have begun many a lecture with some verbal version of the physics principle “THE ACT OF OBSERVATION CHANGES THAT WHICH IS OBSERVED.” I have used it so many times because the truth of that statement fills me with wonder, possibility, and zeal. This principle, while relatively recent in terms of scientific discoveries, has been spiritually known by seers for centuries. They have almost universally called it PRAYER.

“We are always looking at what we are looking with. You cannot separate the observed from the consciousness of the observer. You will always find what you are looking for. Perceptually, the story you are internally telling will always be born out.” No matter how many ways I say it, the message remains the same; we were created with the same freedom and creative dynamics as those of our Creator. Vision is a key component of conscious co-creation, and we are each invited to call forth a greater world of wisdom, serenity, harmony, and abundance by first seeing it within, and then evoking it in the without. THE WAY WE BEHOLD THE WORLD LITERALLY CHANGES ITS COMPOSITION. There is no greater discovery to be made by human beings living in a spiritual Universe. We are here to create a world of heaven here in the realm of earthy form. We evolve as begin to awaken to this responsibility and privilege, and to use our Source given Insight to see the world of effect in new and expanded ways.

At the risk of offending my readers, let me say that generally we are a spiritually and creatively lazy generation. We look at the world we call reality, and believe the effects that we observe. We act as if they are solid facts. We join in the drone of constant sound bytes and instant internet information, looking for ways to deal with a world that is coming at us. WE ARE INDIVIDUALLY AND COLLECTIVELY CREATING THE WORLD WE THEN DEFEND AGAINST! While it is imperative to look squarely at what is, as it is, it is equally important to not be seduced into believing the world of form has any authority over us. When we identify with effect, we forget our Causal nature. When we engage in trance talk, we disengage from the Power of our creative word. When we mature to the point where we can honestly look at the world just as it is, and yet spiritually call forth a transcendent reality- then, and only then will we step into the co-creative nature that is our birthright. The truth of this creative power is that we CANNOT DESCRIBE WITHOUT ALSO ENGAGING OUR PRESCRIPTIVE POWER. We must begin to listen to what we are saying, because our words will be returned to us as experience. And physics has now given us the ability to literally measure the cause and effect relationship. We can measure the power of an intention. We can gauge what effect a certain quality of attention has on that intention. This is astounding in that we are scientifically PROVING THE POWER OF PRAYER.

It really isn’t as much WHAT you look at, as HOW. To look at some effect and resist it as a fact only strengthens the power of the effect. To bring a heartful presence to the same effect and to intend to see it differently and transcendently will have a miraculous affect on that effect. Call it Presence, call it prayer, call it intention, or call it observation- the way you choose to behold any effect has a profound affect that literally “changes that which you are observing.” It is time to awaken to the Power of Presence. It is time to claim the dominion we have been given over the world of form. It is time to step into and engage the power of prayer, which is the power to align with and in Source, and to allow that Source to create through the act of our conscious observation. It is time to wake up and to pray attention. Be willing to see what in your own consciousness is in need of transformation. Pay attention to the lens through which you are seeing the world. Note when you are limiting possibility by looking through past perception. See through the single-eye vision of Insight, and look upon a changed and transcendent world. Come to. Awaken to the power within. Have the courage to see what is yet to be. Use the act of observation to “In-vision” a world of One. That is the true power of prayer. That is the true mission of an awakened Soul.


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ON HOLD

Have you ever felt as if Life has placed you on hold?

I recently called a particular company with what I suspected would be an easily answered question. “I will need to place you on hold, Mr. Stevens.” After a period of time, the very pleasant representative came back on the line with much apology and no answer to my inquiry. “Would you mind if I place you back on hold, sir? Please hold.” The second round of apologies was followed by the announcement that during my next hold, a supervisor would be summoned. I assured the slightly harried sounding woman that I indeed did not mind being placed on hold. As a matter of fact, I was rather enjoying it. “Really? I never hear that.” And she would not have heard it from me in the not so distant past.

I have learned a great deal about myself in the past few years from the way I choose to be while I am placed on hold. I certainly have enough experiences of it. When I am blessed enough to actually encounter a living, responsive human being on the other end of a telephone inquiry, it is common to be placed on hold at some time during the interaction. As I have had for many years a wireless telephone complete with headset, the time on hold became an opportunity to either remain at my desk and busy myself with other pending activities, or I would take off into another area of the house to fill the void with something that I could then label constructive. I had yet to learn the value of actually being on hold when you are placed on hold.

The mind certainly does not relish this notion. Our technology today offers us non-stop mental stimulation. Unless there is some type of massive power outage, we never have to be without internet, world news, social networks, chat rooms, and of course, e-mail. This is often occurring while we are also talking on the phone and even driving the streets and highways. The never ceasing mind content is reflected perfectly in our ever busy information age. To be stopped and to be placed on hold has an often jarring effect on the hyped up central nervous system. And it offers a great opportunity to really experience the current state of our own inner atmosphere.

I learned a long time ago the value of listening to Life when it is seeking to place me on hold. When I am getting the message that it is time to slow down and to take a pause, I know the wisdom of heeding this call. Not that I always like to listen. Not that it is comfortable. My activity tends to equate to my prosperity. Slowing down when the bills are due can create quite an inner rebellion. And yet I have found that when I am being summoned by my Soul to put things on hold, I can either do that voluntarily, or circumstances will do it for me. How often do we push through these inner urges only to find ourselves being stopped by illness, accident, unemployment, etc? The Universe doesn’t punish us for not listening. Our own Souls do know, however, what is most needed at any given time, and they will ensure that those needs are met. The Soul is not interested if it makes sense to the linear mind, or if it feels convenient. Enormous inner expansion often happens when we are on hold. As in all of nature, seeming inactivity gives birth to many a resplendent manifestation.

So the next time you are placed on hold, consider thanking the gifting representative. And then stay on hold. This is valid whether it is a telephone interaction or a Life opportunity. We all sometimes feel as if Life has placed us on hold. Inertia is rarely a welcome friend. And yet it is a necessary part of emergence, and it offers us the gift of reflection and renewal. Being on hold and staying on hold grants us spaciousness and serenity, and those are fervent states of being. You will know when it is time to re-enter the activity. And you will be far more creative and productive for having been on hold.

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AUGUST RADICAL EXPRESSION

It is a great paradox that our aversion to pain is what keeps us seemingly locked into it. We humans may often give lip service to the adage “no pain no gain,” yet when we come face to face with pain in any form we could mostly care less what promised gain may be just around the corner. We want out of here, right now.

Though we tend to categorize pain into physical, physic, emotional, relational and so on, the reality is that pain is pain is pain. It is all ultimately the same at the energetic level, and no amount of labeling or categorizing does anything to deter it. The brain is actually not much of an ally in our relationship to pain. The fight-flight mechanism kicks in at the slightest hint of perceived trauma, and we are thrown into reaction faster than we can know what is happening. It is the relationship to pain that I want to focus on in this inquiry.

Pain seems to be inevitable within the human experience. We all encounter it, and we all are mostly resistant to it. Though this resistance seems as inevitable as is the pain, this is where the opportunity of a whole new relationship to pain is possible. Pain within the energetic system creates an automatic contraction. It could also be said that an energetic contraction is actually what is at the root of all pain. While contraction is automatic, resistance is not. Resistance is simply prolonged contraction. Resistance is the pushing against pain. I personally think of pain in the form of an acronym: Pushing Against Internal Now. Though we think that pain is mostly caused by external forces, the truth is that pain is always experienced internally. Pain is always experienced in here. There is a me that is the experiencer of the pain, and it is in coming to awareness of that experiencer that choice becomes possible. Our innate aversion to pain has us trying to create distance from it. This takes a myriad of forms, yet the result is always the same. When we try and distance, we create resistance. Pain in any form is always a call to come closer. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, pain is a call to welcome what it is energetically bringing forth. It is an invitation to allow, to welcome, to attend, and to Presence. Whatever we push against will always push back. In wanting to be free from the pain, we actually tether ourselves to it. Rather than wanting to be free FROM pain, why not open to be free WITH the pain. I so often hear clients speak of being IN pain. I never find this a helpful descriptive. You cannot be IN pain. You can and do have an experience OF pain, but to place ourselves in a position of being lost in an encompassing pain is as inaccurate as it is unhelpful. Pain is indeed a call to freedom. It is not, however, a freedom that is achieved by additional resistance or suppression. Pain is indeed a wake up call. It need not be an enemy. As we awaken and open into the experience of the experiencer, pain becomes opportunity. It becomes an invitation to open where we have been closed. It prompts us to compassion where we have perhaps been judging. It entices us to relax where we have been contracted

I do not see or believe that pain is a punishment. I do not believe that we are here to endure pain until some cosmic debt is paid. I do not hold that we must suffer while here in the human realm; and yet, pain and suffering there is here in the human experience. We are always at choice as to how we relate to it. That choice is by virtue of consciousness, and that truth is not to be taken lightly. The higher the level of consciousness, the more choice that is available. The more choice that is available, the less resistance there is. As long as we insist on distancing ourselves from our experience of pain, this resistance will lead to suffering. In fact, resistance is suffering. When we come into a level of consciousness that allows us to come closer and to presence our places of pain, a great intimacy is achieved and great revelations are at hand. I am not saying that pain must contain a story. It is not that kind of revelation. A deep inner Knowing of Universal comfort, compassion, loving-kindness, and grace are available in our very own choice to come closer and to stay. And miraculously enough, when we stop demanding that there be no pain, pain lessens.

Perhaps there will always be pain. Yet there will also always be the Inner Presence necessary to approach it in a welcoming and embracing heartfulness. Every contraction is a choice to open. Every pain is a choice to welcome. Every challenge is a choice to love. Welcome the experience of pain, and live in the openness that allowing brings. Rather than pushing against internal now, open into the Presence that embraces even the pain as one concentric whole.

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FREEDOM: NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE!

It was the late, great Janis Joplin who wailed the liberating lyric: FREEDOM’S JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE.” I do not remember much else about the song, though I clearly remember the feeling of the singer behind it. It would be easy to dismiss her as a tragic heroine of a bygone age, and yet she left an indelible mark on a now aging generation. Though I was relatively young when “Me and Bobby Magee” commanded the airwaves, those words seemed to captivate my attention in a way that initiates an inquiry I was clearly meant to undertake. At the time I thought the statement was the forlorn sentiment of a drugged out depressive. Now I recognize the spiritual significance in a declaration I was born to embody.

The past several years of my life have been marked by losses of many kinds. The loss of a home, of a career, of a spouse, of numerous friends and family members. The loss of youth and of a certain level of physical flexibility. The loss of roles I thought I was in the world to play. I have lost a sense of being identified with many things I once clung so dearly to, including a vast number of perceptions and ideologies. With every loss there was grief and sadness, chaos and confusion. There was a deep sense of no longer knowing who I was, or who I am meant to be. That was indeed a scary place to dwell. I tried to distract myself in a myriad of ways, until I finally topped long enough and began to feel beneath the chaos a growing sense of clarity and spaciousness. I began to taste the beginnings of a freedom I had always sought to claim. I guess I erroneously thought that freedom would come from acquiring the things I sought to have, and from stabilizing the self I strove so hard to become. I thought freedom would come from addition, and yet I painfully learned that liberation actualized is the way of subtraction. The great surprise was that the more I seemed to lose, the freer I began to feel. Bondage was the baggage I myself was choosing to carry. It wasn’t so much the thing as it was the attachment to the thing. Sometimes that took the form of material possessions. Sometimes it came via the outworn relationships I tenaciously held onto. Often it came in the habitual ways in which I saw myself, and from which I interacted with my world. My own perceptions were my prison. My mental habits were my hell. In the deep recesses of my inner being there was a constant questioning of who I would be without this or that, him or her. If I no longer had this role to play, how would I show up, and what would I become? Wanting desperately to be free of who I had been, I was also too afraid to let go and to trust in the self that was longing so to be. And so loss became a relentless teacher and a strangely freeing friend.

In the ultimate sense, nothing is ever lost. It is for us humans to embrace and to embody that relative truth until it becomes an actualized experience. Everyone I have ever said goodbye to still dwell within me in a very real and intimate way. The memories I have of days and situations gone by are merely an internal glance away. The identities I no longer choose to cling to have given way to a spaciousness and a serenity that is both liberating and transformative. Those old identities are now like favored friends that took me on a sacred pathway I needed to tread, and then left me at the appropriate time and place.

And now, without a personality identified “who” to cling to, I am finally free. Without attachment, everything we fear losing is recognized as already ours. When there is nothing left to lose, we realize we are what we have tried so hard to gain. And realizing I already am what I have tried to become, I am deeply, truly, profoundly free. Freedom really is a word for nothing left to lose. I can never loose who I am, and that is all that truly matters. Every perceived loss is turned to gain when the chains of identity and attachment are loosed. And I have come to know that freedom is the most precious of all human virtues. Perhaps I would not have known that without the multiple experiences of loss I have grown through. Who can say? I only know that the freedom I feel today is a gift beyond what can be lost, and for that, I am truly grateful.

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JULY RADICAL EXPRESSION

Perhaps the best advice I ever received was delivered abruptly in two short words: STOP BITCHING.
The message was at once offending and liberating. It came from someone many years ago that I barely knew. While I have no recollection of what it was I was apparently droning on about, I have a vivid memory of what the admonition felt like. I was extremely grateful we were conversing on the phone, because the flush on my face would have certainly given me away. I had most certainly been stopped in my tracks, and even though I was shocked to be reprimanded by someone I knew so fleetingly, I also got that he was absolutely right. I recall hurriedly ending the conversation, and I must admit to avoiding this individual while we were still traveling in the same circles. Yet all these years later I am not only recalling the wisdom of this simple and somewhat salty advice, I am also sharing it with those of you who choose to hear it:
STOP BITCHING.
The greatest of human freedoms is the ability to choose one’s own response in any given circumstance. As we celebrate this countries birth as an independent nation, I connect personally to the innate call to freedom and to the liberty that is intrinsic to not only Americans, but to all living beings. We all long to be free. While that may look different to each of us, I believe it feels much the same. The masculine principle is freedom, and the feminine quality is love. These comprise the very fabric of our being. They are the nature of our Souls and the dynamics driving our emergence. As we evolve spiritually, the ability to freely choose to respond with love to the circumstances and happenings in our human experiences grows and matures. The more we take responsibility for our own personal consciousness, with all its programming, wounding, triggers, and perceptions, the better able we are to respond to life rather than to react. We develop the capacity to remain free within, even when there may seem to be binding circumstances in the without. For all the New Thought bravado about co-creating our life experiences, there is also a great deal of complaining and blaming about things that seem to be happening to us. We really can’t have it both ways. Either we are responsible for what is occurring in our lives, if only at the level if the Soul, or we are living in a Universe of random occurrences. As much as we may try and control the externals of our lives, we are not at a collective point of evolution where we are very adept at this business of conscious co-creation. And yet we remain free as to how we respond to the situations and occurrences that comprise our days and sometimes trouble our nights. True freedom isn’t always getting our way in the world. True freedom is viewing what is happening through the lens of spiritual vision and awakened awareness. Spiritual maturity recognizes that though the personality self will always want to have its way, the Soul knows there is another way that is transcendent of our petty demands and insatiable wants. The Soul doesn’t need to wrong the antics of the self. It is the often awkward way in which we approach our autonomy. It simply takes the lead responsively as we begin to listen to the part of ourselves that is already free. This is the inner voice that instinctively blesses rather than bitches. That compassions rather than complains. That uses the power of the word constructively, rather than combatively.
Independence is the ability to stand strong in the decision to freely choose a loving response, regardless of what all those around you may be choosing. Free will is a gift of our Creation, and yet we mis-use this commodity each and every day. Though the critical mass may be joined in a chorus of how bad things are and how doomed we are yet to be, resist the temptation to join in the resistant rhetoric that only begets more of the same. Remember that the words that are descriptive are also prescriptive. Hear what you are saying, internally and in conversation. Feel the sensations in your body that let you know you are mis-using your words. Recognize when you are bound in the bondage of a false belief. Take ownership of the choices that leave you imprisoned in past perceptions. Actively court that inner call to freedom. The Universe is for us. In fact It is what we are. And yet we are forever free to choose our response in any given moment.
Perhaps you’d like to adopt a simple yet unforgettable mantra that frees the spirit and uplifts the Soul. It is a declaration of independence that liberates as well as it unites. It will undoubtedly set you free as it so often does for me. If I find myself lost in the drone of my own verbal meanderings, I hear the voice of a long ago Arab angel:
STOP BITCHING.


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A SON AGAIN

It has been many years since I had a living biological father, and so I must admit to a bit of emptiness as the national observance nears. I do have a truly wonderful step-father. He married my mother after I was already an adult, though, so I suspect the dynamic is different. As I have been going through some dramatic life changes recently, I have found myself pondering what my late father would think of his present moment son. As Dad was vacant via a brain disorder long before he perished, he missed many of the key moments in my life. He never realized I graduated from high school, let alone with honors. He didn’t know of the college scholarships, or the degrees and achievements. He never saw me perform during my entertainment career, or knew of the many places I would travel and explore. He didn’t meet the vast variety of friends I was blessed to traverse this life with, or experience the multiple cities and houses I would come to call home. He didn’t get to champion the career changes, or encourage me during the sometimes difficult transitions. There was indeed a lot that he missed, and I missed having him be a part of it all. There was often a subtle void even during the grandest of experiences. There was a profundity to fathering my father at an early age, and yet the longing to be a son remained for many years into my adulthood.

At the center of these contemplations is a tender and yet persistent quandary as to whether this dad I hardly knew would be proud of the man he’d never know. While he didn’t live to see the accomplishments or the accolades, he also didn’t endure the challenges and the trials, the addictions and the failures. I wince as I ponder what his reaction would have been to those. He was a small town boy who grew up with big time values. He was humble and stalwart, conservative and steady. How would we interact in today’s political climate? What would he have said of my affiliations, and the causes I have devoted myself to? Would this staunch conservative Christian have attended my interfaith ordination, or embraced my current comparatively lofty spiritual beliefs and practices? And perhaps most daunting of all is the question of how he would have handled the most profound of my recent changes: that I left my home state of Florida to travel to Massachusetts where it was legal to marry the man I love? Just two weeks prior to Father’s Day 2010; how would my father have handled that?

I recognize these are questions without answers, and yet they dance through my awareness just the same. I certainly acknowledge the projections of my own consciousness that they represent. I have integrated to a large degree the perfection of how this father-son relationship played out in this incarnation. And yet like gentle whispers the questions return. Would he have still loved me? Could he have understood the depth of love that can exist between two men, and the longing to be treated equally? How would he have reconciled his traditional values and beliefs with those of his seemingly radical son? Would he have shown up at the wedding, and would he have taken my husband as a son? Could we have enjoyed this Father’s Day together, a non-traditional yet loving family? And isn’t that the only value that ultimately matters- the unconditional love of a family structure, regardless of its components?

While my questions regarding my birth father will forever go unanswered, I am once again a son this life time. A man of similar leanings, values, and characteristics did show up at these Massachusetts nuptials. He rose above some of the old moral teachings of his upbringing in order to stand present with his own son on that day. And he called me by a name I thought I’d never hear again. He called me son. He welcomed me into his family as his new son-in-law. As he gathered me to him in a warm and loving embrace, perhaps my own father did give me the answers I so longed to know. While I am now a husband of a husband, I will forever remain his son.


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JUNE RADICAL EXPRESSION

THOUGH I RARELY WRITE REFERRING TO BIBLICAL OR OTHER SACRED WORKS, THIS FELT AN APPROPRIATE REFERENCE TO BEGIN THIS MONTH OF FATHERS DAY. THE STORY OF THE PRODIGAL MAY BE FOUND IN THE NEW TESTAMENT BOOK OF LUKE, THE FIFTEENTH CHAPTER.

There is a special sacred place in the mountains of North Carolina that sooths my person and renews me in my Soulfulness. It is the tiny community of Montreat, several glorious acres that the Great Spirit has scooped out of the Black mountain range, and where the hush is as vibrant as any symphony you’ll ever hear. There is a Presbyterian retreat center, a tiny college, a pond masquerading as Lake Susan, a number of personal weekend and group lodgings, and a chapel I have spent many a silent hour within. It is called The Chapel of the Prodigal Son, and while as a physical structure it is relatively new, there is an ancient energy within its walls that captivates my heart as it inspires my contemplations. I have many a time climbed the steep staircase into the heights of the balcony, settled myself into the very last pew, and then exhaled my body into a submissive inner sigh. Though it is a building open to the public, there is seldom a sound save the beating of my heart. I love to first close my eyes and center myself into the feeling of home this prayerful place invokes. Then I open my eyes and my inner being to begin and take in the ceiling to floor fresco that is the back wall of this chapel on a hill.

I feel within me as I see before me a magnificent representation of the Biblical prodigal son as he has just returned to his fathers’ estate. This young man had asked and been granted his inheritance prior to his fathers death, which he promptly squandered in “riotous living.” After a stint of feeding pigs yet practically starving him, the sacred writings say that he “came to himself.” He remembered that he still had a living father that had great wealth beyond what he had been bequeathed. He trusted that though he had acted unconsciously and very unskillfully, his father was the kind of parent that would at some level welcome him back into his home. He goes back to the estate of his birth, and while he is yet a long way off, a servant informs his father that his wayward son is approaching. His father runs to meet him, forgetting and completely forgiving the young man of his earlier transgressions. He hugs and hovers over his exhausted son, attending to his aching physicality and bruised emotionality.

I need not elaborate on the spiritual lesson to be found in this ancient parable. The Source of all we are is always moving toward us experientially as we “come to ourselves” in remembrance of our birthright. It seems to be coming to us, for in It we are forever contained. It is our awakening to that Truth that brings to us the deep feeling of coming home.

While I have at many times felt like that wayward son, it was on a dark and rainy afternoon in the heights of that chapel that a startling realization came to me. This internal aha washed over me like a warm wave of comforting water. I realized that though I had spiritually enjoyed the feeling of being the son being met by the forgiving father, the time had come in my own sacred emergence to step into the role of father for my own internal rebellious boy. Though I am forever Sourced, contained, and a part of the First Cause masculine Principle, I must step into a role of empowered choice while here in this earth realm. I must actively engage my own Divine Will in terms of choosing which identity I will serve. Though I have squandered the inheritance of a Law that works in every whit for my favor, I must forgive that unconscious part of me in order to mature into a higher choice. I must run to meet the story identified Taylor, the one who seeks to outrun the demands of evolving beyond what I have been in the past. If I have spiritually starved, it is only been because I have made choices which do not feed. If I have lost myself in my own version of riotous living, it is me who needs to stop the mental story telling and the deadening behaviors. It is me who needs to father the son, in order to Know the Source.

Perhaps this story is more meaningful to me because I did not have a father to run to me in my fearfulness or to welcome me in my return. This hole in my experience had previously left me longing for that fatherly relation. The patriarchal God of my Biblical past filled that emptiness for awhile. Yet it certainly has its own limitations. But what occurred to me so profoundly in the compassionate embrace of that back row pew is though I long identified with the plight of the prodigal son, it was the prodigal father within myself that I needed to come to. I was the father that was missing in my experience. It is my turn now to run to that fatherless boy, and to welcome him home into this relentlessly loving heart. In the sentiment of that parables ending; I may rejoice now, for I was lost, and now am found. I was dead, yet now I live.


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LEARNING TO WALK

As I heartfully walked beside my beloved neighborhood lake, I came across a most gleeful sight. A mother and an approximately ten year old young girl were teaching a little rambunctious boy how to take what were apparently his first, wobbly steps. What a study in determination and affirmation! The two would stand the little fellow up, steadying him as best they could before walking several steps away. They would then coax him toward them, joyfully cajoling and applauding his every step. When he would plop down on his diaper-padded bum, they would both enthusiastically chant “UH-OH!” The little champion would then try and try to contort himself into a standing position, all the while hearing a chorus of encouragement and adoration.

I truly believe that we live within a Field of adoring attention that is treating us in just such a way. We are still wobbly in our use of self-reflective consciousness, and we are feeling the effects of many falls and many tumbles. As opposed to the experience of my little lake-side friend, we are mis-creating with often devastating consequences. This is true at the individual and at the macro-level. As adult as we may think we are, we are still infantile in our use of Universal Law. We speak endlessly of what we do not wish to experience. We speak ill of ourselves, and of those around us. We focus our energizing attention in and on areas that become our reality, and then we blame it on others, circumstances, even fate. We stumble and fall into the same holes of our consciousness, and never realize we simply need to take a different path. And yet there are Beings surrounding us that exclaim compassionately “UH OH,” and silently coax and direct us in ways that serve our highest good. They endlessly speak of our innate perfection, yet we cannot hear them above the roar of our own self-recrimination. Our ego selves struggle and contract and contort, when all the while the Highest of our Being is offering a way of comfort and of ease. While falling is a part of every Soul’s evolution, there is a time for simply staying put until the heart reveals that it is time to rise again and move on forward.

And how, dear reader, do you speak to you when once again you hit the ground? Is it in tones of awe and affirmation? Are you applauding the wins and the gains of your life? Are you being the loving embrace you are moving toward? Inner atmosphere is everything! Recognizing what you saying to yourself about yourself gives way to a revolutionary choice: the choice to truly be the uplifting Presence that champions each and every moment of this grand adventure in Sacred Emergence. It is the choice to compassion every pain, and to affirm every moment of overcoming. Make no mistake; there is still a little toddler in us all that needs that quality of attention. It needs the encouragement, the attention, and the affirmation. We never lose the need for that. Being able to give that spaciousness to ones self is a huge leap in spiritual development. Having the inner-fortitude to own when we have stumbled and that we have indeed fallen- and to still remain a place of loving embrace is truly the only way to move forward in this journey. It is as if we are being coaxed by and moving toward the most loving and affirmative part of ourselves. The wisdom of the Highest Self is lovingly holding out It’s hands to the still wobbly personality self. In the Light of that love and encouragement, we cannot help but learn to stand tall and walk proud.

So the next time you “UH-OH,” be sure to give yourself an inner “AWE-YES!” Applaud your wins and compassion your losses. It’s all part of learning to walk the earth as the conscious co-creators we are here to be.

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MAY RADICAL EXPRESSION

WHEN I FIND MYSELF IN TIMES OF TROUBLE, MOTHER MARY COME TO ME;
SPEAKING WORDS OF WISDOM: LET IT BE.

I recently had what for me is a rare opportunity to be around a nine-month bundle of beauty, blessedness, and bliss; a gorgeous little girl named Helana. This was at a gathering where there were many older adults, and then this one fresh from the ethers beautiful baby who rapidly became a center of attention. At the very first glance of this gleaming cherub I could feel my heart gushing open with the universal-to- baby response of “AWE!” Isn’t that just the perfectly appropriate instantaneous proclamation? I witnessed gleefully as person after person approached Helana with the very same exclamation: “AWE! “ If every other individual in the room were a perfect chorus of AWE, her mother was the absolute embodiment of this heart-opening resonator. “Awe, Awe, AWE!” We know now scientifically that the vowel sound of AWE literally causes the heart energy center to open. Isn’t that amazing and miraculous? I believe that when we see a baby or a child, the heart opens in response to the recognition of the innate purity and innocence that is so evident in them, and yet equally true of us all. While the AWE is in response to this recognition out there, we can use this knowingness to live in continual remembrance in the heartful “in here.” If seeing the innocence of a baby evokes an internal AWE, why not invoke this innocence at every opportunity by aligning with the sound of AWE in every present moment? By consciously using this heart-opening intonation, we live in a perpetual state of Awe, innocence, and beauty. And I am all for that. Thanks, Helana.

As May is the month of celebrating mothers, I am particularly glad to have had this very tangible reminder of the power of Awe. I believe at a level that we live within a Cosmic-Mama energy that is proclaiming “Awe” in her every moment of beholding creation. While it is often trauma and tragedy that is in her sights, she compassionately Presences all that she sees by embracing heartfully all that she is. In Sanskrit, the word for mother is AMMA. Isn’t it telling that there is a double dose of this heart-opening exclamation in the name of the Universal AMMA? We are held tenderly and eternally in the warm embrace of our AMMA-Source. That is the compassionate context in which we dwell. It is the background for all that occurs. In these times of mind-identification, we lose the intimacy of what may only be experienced with and in the heart. To live consciously and wakefully in the AMMA Presence is to taste deeply and intimately the unconditional love that is true life. While Source is both Masculine and Feminine, Father and Mother, we are here in time and space to actually and literally be Mother to First-Cause Father Source. This is done not by masculine assertion, but by feminine receptivity. Like the song lyric suggests, when we “find ourselves in times of trouble,” it is not the time to run around trying to control. It is the perfect opportunity to truly and heartfully “let it be.” That is the wisdom of the Mother. That is the nurturance of AMMA. Sometimes, we just need our mom. The Universal AMMA is always here. It is closer than breath. It is nearer than a heartbeat. It is evident in the sound of Awe.

At any time, relax open and in-tone the AMMA-Awe. Sink down deeply into It. Let it envelope you as you embody It. Align within it, and Awe your Inner-being. Awe all that is around you, and open to everything that is within you. The wisdom of AMMA is here and now fully present. Entrain with Its Innocence, and behold a world of Peace. Awe the baby in us all, and know what Love is all about.

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A BIRTHDAY BLOG

As much as I love a good celebration, the approaching of this birthday has left me feeling a little flat. The adding of another digit is quite frankly not as fun as it used to seem. I know that it is spiritually incorrect to equate any part of who I am with age and the aging process, and yet this birthday leaves me feeling a wee bit like a scowl. Not a hard scowl per se, but more like a scowl that is softening and easing if not immediately into a smile, at least into a neutral glance. I ponder the senseless inquiry “how did this happen?” How did fifty three years accrue so rapidly? Yes, I know. One year at a time. One month, one day, one moment by moment parade of minutes and then here I am. I find myself wishing I had paid more attention. I am sorry I missed knowing it would be the last time I leapt easily from a chair. I grieve not having noticed the final fluid ascending of that now daunting flight of stairs. When was it that the printing on menus began to play hide and seek with my now spectacled eyes? And oh, to just once more fasten my trousers without the need of inhaling myself into hyper-ventilation. I miss my flattened stomach almost as much as I miss a full crown of hair. And so it goes. The trickling away of year by year and moment by moment life experiences in retrospect seems a raging river. And yet the gift among all these less than preferential changes is: I am paying attention now. I am paying close and intimate attention. I am acutely noticing it all. And that is worth the aches and scowls and bulges and burps and thinning hair and bespectacled eyes. Yes, it is surely worth it all.

I officiated at a memorial this week-end for a man very near my age. As a part of the observance, I asked those in attendance to consider these questions: “If you knew that you had one hour left to live, and could make only one phone call- who would you call, and what would you say? And most importantly, WHY ARE YOU WAITING?

And as I enter into my fifty-fourth year upon this glorious planet, this will be a guiding question for me, an inquiry that will open my heart and inspire my actions: WHY AM I WAITING? As I feel into the still youthful yearnings to live more fully and to love more freely, what conditioning leaves me thinking that something must change in order for me to live and to give open as love right here and right now? How does past programming plug me into pullback, and where do my self-imposed limitations leave me locked in the hell of withholding? What do I think I have to improve about myself before I can give myself fully to my life, and to those around me? Do I really have to earn the right to live and to love with wild abandon? I think not. There are no dues to be paid, and even if there were, I have most certainly done my time. I have been around the block so many times I already know every pitfall. Now it is time to take a different route.

I will no longer hide for fear of exposure. I will no longer wait for a sign of acceptance before I choose to give it my all. I will not relinquish my inner-power to people who confuse me with their own rejected unconscious. I will choose to love beyond any reaction that love may evoke. I choose to move beyond past wounds, and to share my present heart. I choose to show up fully in my moments, and to taste deeply of their content. I choose to feel the aliveness of this one life, and to shove nothing away in the name of comfort. I choose to be Source-defined and Self-referred. I choose to notice and to welcome all the changes of my life, trusting that they each have a perfect place in my unfoldment.

And most of all, I choose choice. And that is for me the pinnacle of human graces; the ability to choose one’s internal response. It took a lot of birthdays and so much gripping resistance to get to that glorious and miraculous gift; the ability to choose how I inner-relate to my self and to my world. I get to choose that now. There is no more waiting. This is the year to give beyond what I have ever given before. This is the year to risk it all in the name of love. This is the year to face fully the fears, and to give myself openly anyway. This is the year where my purpose and my passion propel me into greater levels of service and of inspired legacy. And the legacy that I shall leave will be the demonstration that Love can transcend any past, and that Presence can transform any limitation. There is no more waiting to love. The time for me is now. The choice for me is love.

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THE SPRING WITHIN

I am consciously and joyfully entrained with the Universal creative impulse that is radiating through the forms of nature all around me, and it is spurring me on into my own creative acts. While I am aware that this blog travels throughout the country and into a myriad of climates and time zones, we here in south Florida had a record setting cold winter that has provided a contrast that we rarely get to experience. The freeze took its toll on several non-indigenous life forms, and I am still a bit sad not to see the countless iguanas that used to greet me on my morning walks in the park. Many trees and shrubs were stunned into seeming death during the unusually long chill. I watched as several of the plantings in my own yard recoiled and dropped. My beloved butterfly garden looked piqued at best. And now the warm has returned, and it seems the cold and the seeming death were only in service of a more resplendent spring. Trees and plants that were bare are flowering forth with a vitality and veracity that is truly palpable. Mother ducks and other water fowl are leading their baby broods everywhere along the surface of the lake. A fitness walk is all but impossible now as I simply must take the frequent pauses my vast appreciation calls me to take. It is all breath taking and life affirming in a way that words could never capture. Creation is magnificently creating out of ItSelf, and I recognize the process as that of my own. I feel the surge of life around me and within me, and it reminds me of how from every seeming death, there is new and vital life.

Though I will not know the supreme joy and honor of biological parenting in this incarnation, I am well familiar with the process of procreation in the most grand and glorious sense of the term. We are always and in all ways procreating. Beyond gender or sexuality, the feminine and the masculine principles within each of us are swirling and dancing in a sacred mating ritual that gives way to the birthing of what it is we are called to bring forth. The masculine intention enters into the feminine field of attention, and in a way mysterious to the logic-driven surface mind, a birthing is certain to take place. The call of awakening spiritual aspirants at this point in our evolution is to more consciously utilize this tremendous gift of our Source. We so often mis-use these creative qualities, and so undermine what it is we are seeking to birth. In our American culture, we often over-masculinize our intentions by exerting control and dominance, ignoring the need for a feminine quality of spacious attention and allowing. It is also common for others to be so surrendered into a state of over-sedation that no intention is directive enough to initiate Universal Law. This results in a defaulted alignment with the predominant critical mass. No choice is indeed a choice. Both the masculine and the feminine are needed in equal measure. We are called to surrender into the Source wisdom of the All Is One, and yet also given the privilege and responsibility to intend and create our own experiences here in this realm. Both the deathing and the flowering forth are part of our creative process as well. Nature knows and so beautifully displays this, and it is ever teaching us by way of perfect example.

Wherever you may be in this wild and wondrous world, take a good, long look around you. Really, truly see. Watch and feel the glory of creation happening around you, and deeply experience it within your own body instrument. What procreation is seeking to occur within you this day? What is wanting to be born? As long as we are in this realm and in these bodies, creation is occurring within us. I invite you to consciously utilize your masculine intention this day, and hold it in the beauty of your own feminine attention. Allow spring to occur within you, just as it is happening around you. Bring Presence to something within you that is dying, and allow that death to be the birthplace of a miraculous new expression of life. The Universe is just as in awe of our personal creations as we are of that which is around us. After all, it is Its Life in radiant and radical expression. It is Life celebrating Life.

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APRIL RADICAL EXPRESSION

As hard as I have tried, there is no way for me to escape the cross.

The beginning days of April 2010 bring with them the ending of Passover and the observances of Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and finally the Christian celebration of Easter. As I reflect upon this season, I am more powerfully aware than ever of the transformative power of human suffering, and the role it has played in my own personal emergence. I was born on Easter Sunday, and I have within my astrological chart the pattern of the grand cross. While it has been a number of years since I identified as a Christian, I recognize the lasting impact crucifixion theology has had on my life and my relationship to Source. To be informed at an early and impressionable age that an innocent and “only son” of a punitive God had to die for your sinfulness has lasting unconscious effects beyond the scope of this brief writing. I know from years of counseling with others that religious wounding can have life-long impacts on people who do not consciously deal with and release the psychological trauma these mis-construed teachings have. While many if not most people associated with New Thought spirituality will claim to not believe or be affected by literal Christian teachings, the level of actual mystical engagement would indicate otherwise. The often overemphasis on outer material manifestation, the aversion to the shadow depth of the inner realm, and the resistance to practices of prolonged silence and non-doing contemplation point to an unconscious fear of encountering this uncontrollable Source- Force that can only be met in a deep, prolonged, heartful receptivity. Unconsciously, if this “only begotten son” was sacrificed in a God-ordained act of violence and murder, we certainly may be next if we get too close. Our fear and aversion of our own inner darkness directly reflects the heinous images we have made of this capricious and punitive outer-God. Demands that Jesus “the savior” is the only way to the one Christianized God only exacerbates the whole dilemma. The belief in the need for a cross IS the crucifixion! The belief that a savior is needed IS the perception to be saved from. The notion that there was one holy and human expression of this One unnamable Source is only as accurate as it is inclusive; the historical Jesus is that expression in the same way as is all sentient beings. An enlightened avatar does not a savior make. Our unconscious projections comprise a goodly portion of what we call theology. The crucifixion was a political act, not a religious one. The value in the illustration today is in seeing it as the energy pattern it is for all of us. The crucifixion is the resistance to what is contained within the present moment. It is always perceptual and emotional. It is always interpretive. It is saying that what already is shouldn’t be, and then internally gripping against the object of resistance in emotional reaction. Suffering is the direct result of resistance. While pain and contraction seem to be inevitable in the human experience, suffering is in direct proportion to the level of resistance to the pain we encounter.

This is not to suggest that there was no actual crucifixion and death of the historical Jesus. It also doesn’t exclude the possibility of an actual physical resurrection. Resurrection reports have been prevalent in eastern traditions for centuries. It does, however, lead this writer to acknowledge the Easter holiday more as a celebration of personal inner resurrection here and now. Just as crucifixion is perceptual, so is resurrection. It is the releasing and transcendence of the resistance that keeps us nailed to outer conditions. It is overcoming the power of programming and conditioning, and opening to a Truth that is only available in the depths of our silenced inner being. We cannot think our way out of crucifixion. The crown of thorns symbolizes the added suffering of trying to use the mental realm for what can only be realized in a heartful submission. We may think that the entire paschal schema has no authority over us, and yet in times of deep emotional anguish, how practically available is our Source? Jesus’ cry from the garden “thy will be done” referred to the resurrection and not the crucifixion. Until we transcend emotionally any theology that would indicate otherwise, our true comfort remains a concept. We remain nailed to the often insidious belief in guilt, punishment, and death. Grief and shame are in our unconscious emotional imprinting, and so are lived out in our relationships to ourselves and to others within our world. This is our cross to bear. From whatever religious tradition we may hail, there is no escaping the axis point of the vertical and the horizontal realms. And that is exactly what the cross represents. We must feel into the depths of the emotional crucifixion. We must lie within the stillness of the inner tomb. And in that Presencing, non-reactive spaciousness, resurrection is. That is Easter. It is within. It is here. It is now.

So you see, it is only in the “in-scaping” of the cross that it is escaped. It is in embracing the pain and even the resistance that then leads to our comfort. It is in moving into the religious wounding that leads to its integration and healing. Our pain is indeed a crucible from which may flow our greatest transcendence. We are here to rise above the painful misperceptions of this world and of our Source. Listen deeply within your own wise heart. The resurrection is already there.

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IMAGINAL CELLS

SPIRIT OF THE LIVING GOD, FALL AFRESH ON ME…
MELT ME, MOLD ME, FILL ME, USE ME
SPIRIT OF THE LIVING GOD, FALL AFRESH ON ME.

It is with some frequency that I become aware of the felt-sense essence of this age-old hymn as it softly sings its self in me. It has long been a friend, and the profundity of the simple message is as a comforter on a chilly winter’s night. I notice the religious sounding context, and yet it does not detract from the intimate prayer that this song has become. Perhaps an edit here or there brings it even closer; SPIRIT IS THE LIVING SOURCE, FALL AFRESH IN ME. And there are certainly times, such as is this juncture in my emergence, where only a few of the lyrics seem necessary; MELT ME…

Though I was not reared in a denomination of Christianity that observes the full Lenten season, it has become a precious and personal practice for me since I was introduced to it through the expansive teachings of Charles and Myrtle Fillmore. While it is presented and maintained in very non-traditional ways, I relish devoting forty days and Sundays to a more microscopic introspection of my inner world. There have times in my life when this turning within would have been in service of a prolonged ego-lashing of all that I find wrong with me. I would have symbolically seen myself and my entire life through the smudge of ashes obscuring any type of true vision through the lens of the third eye. I have certainly gone that route, and have found it painful and equally lacking in terms of any true transformational power. I do, however, recognize the elements of my perceptual story that can still torment me when I believe the thoughts and identify with the subsequent emotions. It is to these emotional wounds that I place my unwavering attention during these days of Lent. I ask deeply to be relieved of the bondage of the story of me. I ask that the inner fire of my mystical passion melt the self that seems so separate and distinct from the “Spirit of the Living Source.” I dedicate time and attention to the going within, the only practice I know that creates the space internally to witness the story as it spins and weaves its captivating spell. I am much like the caterpillar, one of the cherished symbols of this Lenten season, that creates a cocoon around itself in order to morph into what it instinctually knows is its destined Beingness. Like that caterpillar, I allow the self to melt into the Essence ooze that may only be tasted in the depths of silent stillness. In a way that humanity and science has yet to ascertain, that melted ooze of the once caterpillar body somehow gives way to a quantum mystery of epic proportion. Within and yet not from that ooze, imaginal cells begin to appear that will collect, gather, coalesce, and eventually differentiate into the form of a winged creature quite different from its multi-legged ancestor. The how of this process is a great secret of nature. The why an even bigger mystery. And yet it occurs thousands upon thousands of times around the globe, generation after generation. And it all begins with a retreating to the within, and a quiet and purposeful melting.

I do not know what it is I am to become in this earthly realm. I only know that something continues to call to me to return repeatedly to the withinness of my Soulful Self. I welcome the surrender that once terrified me, and I celebrate the melting that is the undoing of what I actually never was. I do not have to control this process. In fact, I can’t. I trust that in the ooze of my former self, the imaginal cells of my transcendent Self are creating a Being that will soar above the appearances of my historical story. That is my resurrection. And resurrection requires a death. Only what is not real can die. Only what does not serve will melt. And I allow this work to be done in me as I faithfully wait in the cocoon of my awakened heart.
SPIRIT OF THE LIVING SOURCE, FALL AFRESH IN ME.
MELT ME.

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