Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Last October, I posted the following Blog and felt compelled to share it once again. Though I have never repeated a writing here, my heart tells me to do so now. I am trusting the intuition, and so here it is.....

The month of October is designated as National Domestic Violence Awareness month. I am blessed to live in a town that has encouraged its citizens to bring particular attention to this tragic phenomenon by hosting several free and open events, and by inviting us to place purple lights in the windows of our homes. Even as I prayerfully placed a light in the center window of my house, I recognized that awareness of this particular type of cruelty is only a beginning in the emergence of its healing. I feel deep within my heart that it is not just awareness, but the quality of that awareness that either propagates or transforms these manifestations of grief and rage. To remain in and take action from a place of judgment and resistance always energizes and attracts more of what we are focusing on and fighting against. To just say no never ended the proverbial war on drugs, and “Act Up-Fight AIDS” has never led to its cure. As paradoxical as it may seem, the termination of any unwanted effect must begin with a complete acceptance that the condition already exists. To fight what already is, is futile at the energetic level. To say it shouldn’t be is fruitless. There is domestic violence in our communities, country, and in our world. That is what it is. And acknowledging that it is already so, what is it that we may now be and do to contribute to its transcendence?

Domestic violence is usually framed in its most prevalent form: acts of physical, mental, emotional, sexual abuse against a woman by a man. This is by no means the only form of domestic violence. It occurs in all variations of human relationships; woman to woman, man to man, woman to man, parent to child, human to animal, etc. Many years ago I endured emotional and physical violence in a relationship to which I repeatedly returned. At that time, I unconsciously thought it was what I deserved. I had encountered it as a child, and so it was familiar as an adult. This psychological condition is played out with great regularity. Very often there is both subtle and blatant criticism of the perpetrated. How could they return after such horrid treatment? Without continuing with an analysis as to the particulars of these scenarios, it is the over all state of human consciousness that points to the origin of these and all acts of violence.

Domestic violence begins not in the home but in the self. The atmosphere within our own hearts and minds is very often demeaning and abusive. In an age of heightened analysis and sophisticated neurosis, we perhaps treat ourselves worse than in any time in human history. We often use psycho-spirituality as yet another way to beat ourselves up, and tear ourselves down. This inner rage cannot help but be reflected in the outer. The quality of our relationships mirrors perfectly the quality of our inner-attentiveness. Even our language is filled with violent images and abusive descriptivism. How often do we unconsciously use words that have underlying violent connotations? And how often do we speak tenderly and compassionately to the fearful inner self, terrified in a world of suffering, violence, and war? Violence will never stop in our homes until it ceases in our own inner worlds. It will never terminate in our communities until it stops occurring in our homes. We can fill our windows with purple light bulbs, and until we begin to bring a sustained compassionate attention to our own hurting hearts, it is just wasted electricity.

I know that I for one will never again place my self in a situation to be abused by another human being. I know this for I am devoted to treating myself with the caring, compassion, dignity, and love that an emanation of the One deserves. I commit to treat others with these same Divine qualities. I am a stand not for fighting Domestic Violence, but for being an internal space in which it does not occur. I will gladly stand arm and arm with those in my community who choose to say yes to humane treatment for all living beings. I know and celebrate that my attention is energizing and attractive, and so I use it wisely. I surround myself with the unconditional Love of my Source, and I let that Light radiate to all I observe. Domestic Violence stops here and now in me, and that is my personal contribution to a world at peace.


Thursday, October 7, 2010


One of the spiritual teachers that I greatly admire will often speak of the act of "reinventing" ourselves repeatedly throughout our life experiences. While I truly love the work of this remarkable woman, I am often left a bit internally chaotic when feeling into the deeper levels of this concept. I often reflect on the number of times in my own incarnation when I have tried to force a different story upon myself, in an effort to escape the me I really didn't want to be. While I know this isn't what my mentor is suggesting, it is a slippery ego slope to really discern where this type of goal-setting is coming from. If my intention is to reinvent myself from a place of aversion and self-rejection, the result will be more of what I am trying to escape. It must be; part of our spiritual emergence is the revelation, integration, and embracing of the wounded parts of ourselves that have been rejected and thus split off. In a way, reinvention can be a tactic to not fully deal with the aspects of our personality that are in actuality reactive triggers of our wounded places. It is like putting a veneer over rotting wood. When we try and rid ourselves of these aspects by covering them over, the emotional toxins continue to fester under the revised story. Beneath the attempts at an improved version of our self, the fragmentation continues to unconsciously run the show.

Wholeness occurs through inclusivity. It isn't a bi-product of seeing ourselves as a fixer-upper. At some point, we are called to deepen into the place within that transcends stories, happy or sad. I have personally lived through some tragic episodes for sure. I was so addicted to the drama of me that peace seemed the equivalent of death. I recognize now that all of that pain was a necessary part of my waking up to a place where I could realize that I was the dreamer of those sad, dramatic dreams. Unconscious of my deeper Self, I was the one repeatedly creating hurtful experiences that reflected my own rejecting sense of self. I needed to devote myself to some real and deep inner forgiveness. I needed to attend to the emotional residue that was underlying the mental story line. To simply decide that I was going to be someone else with a better story only denied and further suppressed that which I needed to heal. So for me, to truly reinvent my self was to first be revealed at depth. It was to feel through all the woundedness that was veiling the lens of my heart. It was deepening below the dictates of the personality self, and accessing the Soulful Self which always see’s beyond any need of fixing. And when this type of inner work is really committed to, a reinvention does indeed begin to occur.

This reinvention comes from a place that recognizes that the authentic Who is meant to live a life larger than the wounded self can really even comprehend. It is a reinvention that is steeped in Source Grandeur, not ego-grandiosity. It is a reinvention that flowers forth from a deep Knowingness of worthiness and Oneness. It isn't birthed from a need to be approved of or affirmed. It is an organic expression of what it looks like when Divinity births humanity. It rejects nothing, nor does it identify with the story line of the person telling the tale. This reinvention is an expression of the recognition that we are truly here on earth to live magnificent, joyful, passionately loving lives. We are here to truly and to freely shine. We are here to radiate our spirits and give our greatest gifts. The whole of who I am is still in the realm of story, but it is being told from the depths of the One Who is beyond a surface tale. And when the personality self is Sourced from the Soul, the result is an emerging reinvention that continues to more and more reflect the possibility inherent in living our greatest potential right here on earth.

Another reinvention has been occurring in me for the past several months. Something deeper has been calling to me, and has been seeking through me a fuller expression of what I am inspired to give. I lovingly think of myself as a bit of a late bloomer, and I feel heartfully that I have yet to give my greatest gift. I continually ask into the depths of myself as to what is seeking to emerge now? I sense the place in me that is finally beyond attachment to the form my Soulful expression takes. I simply want to align myself with the Source of my Being, listen into the very heart of the moment, and freely give of the talents I have been given in a way that blesses whoever is called to partake. I am open as to how that may change and evolve. One of the practical expressions of this call to expansion is the redesign of my web-site and blog system. This creative endeavor has been flowing forth for many months, and the first phase of the launch will occur on this coming Monday, October 13th. My husband Donald is the architect of the new site, and it has been a great gift to work on this venture together. I am excited to share this project with all of you, and enthusiastic to continue to utilize advanced technologies in giving my gifts.

Monday happens also to be National Coming Out Day, and while it is a chance for LGBT people all over the country and world to be more out, open, and authentic as to who we really are, it is also for me a further coming out and owning of my spiritual gifts. I am stepping even further out of the closet of hidden spiritual Power. I have a mission here, and that mission is to freely give my greatest gifts of love. I can’t fit into the status quo critical mass and be who I am called to be. I can’t play small and fulfill that mission. And so another reinvention is flowering forth, and I am showing up more fully as Who I am meant to be. I invite you to explore any places where you are still hiding in the limiting story, and see if it isn’t time that you came out too. You don’t have to launch a web-site or write a book to be more of Who you truly are.

So come and take a look at www.taylorestevens.com on Monday, October 13th. See the reinvention of the site, and feel the reinvention of my self. And then join me in coming out fully as an actualized expression of love here on earth.