Thursday, June 28, 2012


I hail from a long line of people who have worn low self-esteem as a badge of honor. Humility and humiliation are so intertwined that the crucial distinction is mostly imperceptible. The admonition that I was given was if you dare to feel good about yourself, the world will surely knock you back down to size. It is the old pedestal-take a fall scenario. To be aware of and celebratory of one’s gifts and talents was thought to be arrogant and self-serving. To possess a strong sense of self and personal mission was deemed to be willful and egotistical. I totally get that this ancestral programming was done in service of what was believed to be safety and security within a dangerous and potentially hostile world. If you play small you won’t become a target. There was and is nothing malicious. And that fact doesn’t stop it from being a damning sentence to live under.
It has taken me years to realize the extent and the effects of this conditioning. It has taken me decades and much inner-work to soften the wince in a world that was designed to keep me in my proper and limited place. I have always sensed a tension between what my Soul was calling me to express and what my personality believed it was safe to allow. This didn’t keep me from daring to follow at least a few of my dreams. I did manage to plough through the fear and ignore the self loathing long enough to take a stab at what I wanted to bring forth in my life. I also, however, unconsciously sabotaged my dreams ultimate achievement.
Standing at the far end of this strong and perpetuating perceptual system let me say that there is nothing noble about self-scrutiny and subsequent diminishment. There is nothing humble about playing small and hiding your gifts. I know from personal experience that it benefits no one to withhold your talents and then attribute this suppression to the will of some God that seemingly wants us to hide the talents that It has endowed us with. Suppression of any kind leads to depression and depression is very self-absorbing. It becomes a shroud that veils the Light that is the Truth of our Sourced-identity. Self-aversion is the shadow side of narcissism, and they both stem from amnesia of our true and authentic nature. Self-opinion blinds us to opportunity and deadens us to possibility. Daring to feel good about one’s self and affirming of our talents is a direct celebration of the Source of those very gifts. Accepting our innate worth is a full time commitment and one that gives massive benefit to our world. It is the greatest gift we can give to the critical mass. Feeling through and moving out of our painful self stories is a contribution of enormous consequence. Low self esteem is epidemic in western culture. It is in vogue to lead with our neurosis and self-negations. And it keeps us mired in emotional quicksand and mental prisons. It robs us and the world of the song we came to sing.
It is time to truly and deliberately take a stand for stepping into a Reality that is worthy of one that is sourced by the One. It is time to commit to seeing ourselves and each other with the Vision of the One that Knows. It is time to step out of the suppression and to open into the blissfulness of giving our gifts and sharing our talents. It is time to move out of the self-absorption and into passionate self-expression. Celebrate Source by celebrating your own wonderful Self! Do it today- just the way you are! Be bold in your affirmation and liberal with your praise. It is safe and advantageous to be upon the pedestal. There is nothing and no one to waiting to knock you off. That is where life wants us to be. It wants to proudly display Itself through our moments and our days, our giving and our gifts. It is actually egotistical to suppress the magnificence that is within you. It is arrogant to place our personal opinion above that of Source Presence. Humility seeks to live a life of grandeur and of glory. It knows that each of us is worthy of the best. The very, very best.
So if you find yourself belittling yourself: STOP! Listen to what you are saying and take a deep breath of awareness. That old programming and its subsequent self-diminishment is nothing less than blasphemy. Stop and ask for help. Ask the Universe, God, Buddha, your own Higher Self, just stop and ask. Ask to be shown who and what you really are. And then forgive yourself and begin today to tell a new tale. A tale of one who is here on earth to live and to give the best that is our Source. Only worthiness is of the One. Allow your esteem to come from Source. Allow yourself to be lifted to the heights of all you can be. And know that you do it for us all. There is no greater legacy than integrated self-love.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


While my relationship to it is radically different than it once was, I am still aware that I was brought up in a patriarchal religion. As Father’s Day approaches I feel the wafts of how pervasive the “big daddy in the sky” theology is. It has now been decades since that was my predominant thought system, yet vestiges of it still pop up from time to time in my consciousness. I believe that it is partly because I am an energetic being in a Field for which that is still considered a governing reality. Praying TO an outer paternal God is the religious dynamic for a goodly portion of the world’s population. Not only is this super-parent somewhere “up and out there” it is also looking down here in critical, punitive, and condemning ways. At a level that is mostly unconscious most of humanity has a vague sense of being scrutinized almost all of the time. Patriarchal religion is a lens through which we experience our Source, our selves, each other, and our world. Though it is less obvious in more New Thought schools of spirituality, it is still alive and well as a life diminishing paradigm. If you ever judge yourself based on what you think is the spiritual ideal Big Daddy has a hold on you. If you ever compare yourself to some homogenized humanity and then feel shame in the comparison the patriarchy has you in its grips. If you are lost somehow in your own self-definition you are caught in the trance of a faulty story about Source.
While parental images of G-awed can sometimes feel comforting they also create a slippery slope into lovelessness. Parents, no matter how well-intentioned, are not capable of loving unconditionally. It is a fact of the human condition. A big piece of the way our life stories show up in order to be transcended is through our parents and authority figures. Much of our early wounding occurs in relationship to our parents. Discipline can be a traumatizing experience. When we place our Source in the same category as our human parentage a deepening of the belief in separation occurs. No matter how close we may be to our mothers and/or fathers we are still distinct and unique from them. No matter how close the apple falls it is still separate from the tree. This is simply not the case within our Source. We are part and parcel of this One Infinitely Intelligent- all Loving Creative Force. It could never look down upon us for we are contained within It. It cannot judge or condemn us because It knows no such thing. We are truly the Gleam in the Sources I.
And so patriarchal theology needs to fade back into the limiting perceptual system from whence it came. It could be said that Source G-awed is Father in that It is First Cause. Of course It is also the Loving Embrace of the Cosmic Mother. To think of Father G-awed as a force greater and more powerful than the individualized ego-self is for me not only prudent but also empowering. There is no dead-beat dad in this Universe of One. It is always right here for me to pray INTO. It is never distant or remote. Only my fearful misperception births that illusory experience. It is in deepening INTO heartful, connected prayer that I experience directly my Source, my sustenance, and my provision. If there is parenting to be done it is in my choice to open and to mother First Source Gawed, and then to channel that Power in inspiring ways that father this realm called earth. Because I am Fathered I consciously father. I am the choice to return home to Source.
And so to pray to Father-Mother G-awed is a dynamic that connects me to my Source here within this realm of space and time, but is ultimately meaningless in Eternity. I am IN the One Source by whatever name I choose to call it. It is not a Big Daddy in the sky. It is the Father Force from whence I came and that I have never left.