NUMBERING ONE

“It’s not about the numbers.”

And I cannot begin to count the number of times I have heard that.

I have been an ordained, full-time minister for over thirty years. I have worked for two independent organizations. I co-founded and led my own spiritual community for several years. I worked as an itinerate lecturer, workshop leader, and counselor. I have been in my current position of Senior Minister of a Unity for well over twelve years.

I am blessed to know that what I do is truly what I am meant to do. I have a degree of talent. I have years of education and experience. I have dedication and a passion regarding sharing spiritual principles that I know are transformational when they are practiced and applied.

What I never have done is draw large numbers of people.

“It’s not about the numbers.”

I have a moderate attendance in my current spiritual community. I have a small number of followers on my blog list and my social media platforms. I have never been a “big draw.”

And…” it’s not about the numbers.”

The two primary metrics used for ministerial evaluation are number of attendees and money raised. That feels cold and calculating, I know. And there is a reality in our finance-driven culture that is the foundation for those metrics.

If my talent, experience, education, and passion do not equate to enough congregants to keep the lights on my tenure comes into question. The Light I may emit does not pay the light bill.

I am blessed to work for a board of directors who see beyond only those two cold metrics. They understand that many things have happened both personally and collectively that have contributed to our current level of attendance. They share with me that the quality of my message should be bringing in far more people than we currently see.

And they assure me that “it’s not about the numbers.”

And so, it has been and continues to be a dance within me between what I express and how it is received. What I dedicate myself to and how many choose to partake. I speak, share, write, and connect with a high level of passion. I put great amounts of energy into what I create and share. That is consistent whether there are fifty or five hundred participants.

It will surprise no one who knows me that I am very human. I have devoted my life to spiritual awakening, and my adventure in that pursuit has been bumpy and flawed. I believe that it is inspiration and dedication that has fueled my work for all these years. Yet it is the bumps and the flaws that has shaped the message into something relatable. Usable.

It is the human part of me that sees dwindling numbers and media engagements and feels a level of sadness and disappointment. I give it my all, and sometimes it feels deflating to hear that it’s not about the numbers while it feels that what I am giving is in ways so much about the numbers.

It feels like it is about the numbers.

I am sure that those who have read this far could give me any number of truisms as to why I should not feel this way. I can layer the same interpretations onto myself.

In an age where a large percentage of our population is collecting followers and numbers of likes it is a tough road. Yet I have dedicated myself to learning as much as I can from my experiences with it. While I aspire to live beyond numbers and followers, I am not fully there yet. And there is a perspective that is leading me through this landmine field of hurt and disappointment.

I am crystal clear that the work that I do is inspired and directly tied to my purpose. And so, the number one person that I need to answer regarding my work is the one who is typing these words. I daily listen to my guidance, and I produce the best quality of work that I can.

And while I am the one I answer to, I do not output for myself. I do it to connect to you. To touch your heart. To inspire and move you. To hopefully uncover something in you that you need to see. I am a messenger and I pray that you will receive my message and that it will make a difference in you life.

So, all of this is to say that I don’t believe the cliché that “it’s not about numbers. It is. But it is not about volume or income.

For me, you are my number. The message is about you. I speak to groups, yet I really speak to one person at a time. I put it out there, and I put it out there to you. To the one person who may need to glean something from what I am sharing.

You are my number one.

While I am clear that my style isn’t for everyone, I trust that it will be right for the person drawn to hear or read it. I have never claimed to be the best at what I do. But I am the best for the person who needs what I have to give.

As long as one person is listening and reading and benefitting, I will keep at it. I will keep giving the best of my love and trusting it will reach the heart it is meant for.

It’s not about numbers.

It’s about you. It’s just for you.

LATE LIFE MANIFESTO

I suspected it would be true: the less time I have, the more precious it is.

I never dreamed that I would embrace my latter years as much as I am. Even as I am facing life without my husband and as I face diminishing physical ability the sand that is left in the top of my hourglass keeps me focused, intententional, and grateful.

I am by nature a disciplined and organized person. I pay attention to how I am living. To what is fueling what I am doing. To my values. To what I am contributing. My energy is precious and vital to me. I know that it contributes to the greater good of the whole when I am aligned with my Soul priorities.

I have for many years had a personal manifesto. A type of constitution for how I live and operate. I let it govern me to the best of my ability.

My manifesto is a living document. I use it, access it in decision making. It is fluid and changeable when I feel as if I have outgrown one of my precepts. It is permeated with prayer. In fact, it is a prayer.

In a world that has become so chaotic and disruptive my manifesto is more important than ever. It is my invariant constant in a stormy world. It is a beacon in such intense darkness. Regardless of all the insanity around me my manifesto helps keep me grounded and anchored. Stable. Centered.

I will not get into the specifics of my personal document. I do believe it is evident by how I live. At least that is my goal. And it is one of the few goals that remain for me.

Achievement and success are truly no longer important for me. I have climbed enough mountains and crossed enough bridges. I have done enough. That does not mean I will sit and stare for the duration. It means for me that how I do things is way more consequential than what I am doing.

I am content to do way less yet with more focus and intention. My activity level is considerably less that in previous years. When I go somewhere I am very mindful of the energy I bring to the space I am in. How I treat others, both internally and interactionally. I want to leave space better than I found it.

And with less years ahead the urgency for contribution is amplified. Not in an ambitious sense. The urgency isn’t drive. It is a vitality that moves me through my days and helps me select what is most worthy of engagement. I don’t have time to waste. And how I spend my time is often directly shaped by my manifesto. By my priorities.

I am mindful these days that my next birthday will be my seventieth. I am still nine months off. Yet it has prompted me to do an even deeper dive into my current manifesto, and to determine where some updating may be in order.

I love the process! I love deeper dives. I relish giving time and attention to the things and processes that are most precious and important to me. And I celebrate that I am at a place in life where while my manifesto is a document of personal choice it is dedicated to something much larger than me.

I offer the remainder of my days to be dedicated to the collective more than to my individual goals or wants. I intend to die having fulfilled my purpose. I would love to think I leave having given more than I have taken. I want to be a man of my word. A beneficial presence upon this planet. And my manifesto guides me in that pursuit.

This late life revision could well be my last. I will continue to tweak. Yet I am poised to pray and to intuit how I will live the remainder of my days, weeks, months, years. I cannot know and am frankly not all that concerned with the duration.

It is the quality of contribution that matters most to me. I did some silly and unskillful things earlier in my life. I was focused on things that seem so inconsequential now. Yet it took what it took. If that chaos was necessary to bring me to where I am today, then so be it.

It is a late life manifesto. I am giving myself ample time to steep and to pray it into being. I trust my intuition impeccably. I listen relentlessly to the call of my heart. I open to guidance and I let it govern me.

And I know I can face anything that happens in these latter years of my life. With faith in my heart and my manifesto in my mind I have confidence that the rest of my years can be the best of years.

And it is because I say it is.