Thursday, March 29, 2018


While I have not been engaged in traditional Christianity for more than forty years, the images of this Lenten season and of this Holy week are more intimate, profound, and transformative than ever. Something shifted in me decades ago when I discovered that I was not to walk a path of worshipping a historical Jesus or any Messiah. I am here to walk and to live the path of Christ Consciousness, which is a living, vital, presence within me.

The man Jesus has been used as one of the most divisive figures in human history. I find that tragic beyond description. Those who use him to exclude and even damn others seem to have lost touch with the essence of his message. While the records we have are woefully incomplete and repeatedly manipulated what scripture, we do have left is ultimately a message of love and personal empowerment for all people. Not just “Christians.”

Yeshua was an actualized Jew who never set out to establish a new religion. He carried, embodied, demonstrated, and taught a message that all people are Loved within the One God, and that the Power of that One God is in us and can be used for the good of all creation. It is the personal empowerment message that got him politically killed. The murder by crucifixion had nothing to do God or Its Will. No sacrifice was or is needed. It is unintegrated human shadow that murdered this Enlightened Master and has murdered countless others since.

And so, though I am not Christian, I do embrace and live by what I call Christ I Am principles. I am here to make the same demonstration Yeshua made but at the symbolic level. While at times I may feel crucified by others it is ultimately my own self aversion and rejection I am here to heal. I am here to go into my own internal garden and to deal with the grief, fear, anger, and shame that has yet to be integrated.

And so today I am spending concentrated time in my own Gethsemane. I am leaning into my emotional pain and I am asking to be shown what I do not know I do not know. I am looking at the painful stories I tell about myself, and I am praying to be freed from my self-inflicted bondage.

My mantra is “Source Will be done.” Though theology most often attributes the garden prayer of Jesus to mean that God’s will was the inevitable crucifixion, I wholeheartedly believe the Will was always about the resurrection. And that resurrection happened in consciousness before the crucifixion. It was a rising-up in forgiveness and atonement. It was an in incredible stability in the face of human depravity. No matter what they did to him he remained connected and humble in the Greater Goodness and Life that Is God.

It is my turn. I am staying rooted in garden consciousness. I am declaring within my own field “bring it on.” I want to see, feel, open to, and release all that has held me in bondage. I am ready to surrender and to allow the Christ I Am to happen in me.

Thursday, March 22, 2018


My first professional acting job after moving to New York City was on the ABC soap opera LOVING. Though it was not the work I really wanted to do it was a paying job in the industry and so I grabbed it. It was the beginning of consistent television work that helped support me while I tried my best to obtain more time on the stage.

I often joke that I worked in soap operas until I realized it was redundant. I seemed to thrive on drama in my younger years. If I couldn’t find any in which to insert myself I would create my own. I did not know at the time that it was the result of an internal chemical addiction. I needed the drama to get my fix. Stirring up some chaos rewarded me with the brain chemicals that had become a status quo. Though there were certainly periods of respite in between I could not go long before I needed another hit. And so, drama-making to the rescue.

I haven’t worked in soap operas for years now. I also have no desire to create or to participate in real life dramas either. I made it through the required withdrawal and now I quickly disengage when I sense drama-makers around me. Having lived there myself I can hold a space of compassion for sure. And I will not allow myself to become a character in anyone’s addictive story line.

As it truly is an addiction, people still in the throws can become very reactive and even hostile when I will not engage in the script they want me to read. I am truly okay with that. I have become quite accomplished at calmly walking away. It does not mean I do not care. In fact, I care so much that I will not collude in a story that will result in prolonged pain for those who play the parts.

I know deeply that the potential for every drama is resolution and even transformation. On the other side of the story is a hero’s welcome. But we must go through the withdrawal and come out the other side. We must bring a sustained presence to the storyline, and question what it is that is fueling the saga. When we truly get to the point that we prefer peace to drama then peace is right around the corner. I know. I found it.

I had enough drama to last a life time. Have you? Are you ready to take responsibility for what you are generating? Are you willing to withdraw from the chemical reward you get from keeping the stories going?

Have you had enough drama?