One of the spiritual teachers that I greatly admire will often speak of the act of "reinventing" ourselves repeatedly throughout our life experiences. While I truly love the work of this remarkable woman, I am often left a bit internally chaotic when feeling into the deeper levels of this concept. I often reflect on the number of times in my own incarnation when I have tried to force a different story upon myself, in an effort to escape the me I really didn't want to be. While I know this isn't what my mentor is suggesting, it is a slippery ego slope to really discern where this type of goal-setting is coming from. If my intention is to reinvent myself from a place of aversion and self-rejection, the result will be more of what I am trying to escape. It must be; part of our spiritual emergence is the revelation, integration, and embracing of the wounded parts of ourselves that have been rejected and thus split off. In a way, reinvention can be a tactic to not fully deal with the aspects of our personality that are in actuality reactive triggers of our wounded places. It is like putting a veneer over rotting wood. When we try and rid ourselves of these aspects by covering them over, the emotional toxins continue to fester under the revised story. Beneath the attempts at an improved version of our self, the fragmentation continues to unconsciously run the show.
Wholeness occurs through inclusivity. It isn't a bi-product of seeing ourselves as a fixer-upper. At some point, we are called to deepen into the place within that transcends stories, happy or sad. I have personally lived through some tragic episodes for sure. I was so addicted to the drama of me that peace seemed the equivalent of death. I recognize now that all of that pain was a necessary part of my waking up to a place where I could realize that I was the dreamer of those sad, dramatic dreams. Unconscious of my deeper Self, I was the one repeatedly creating hurtful experiences that reflected my own rejecting sense of self. I needed to devote myself to some real and deep inner forgiveness. I needed to attend to the emotional residue that was underlying the mental story line. To simply decide that I was going to be someone else with a better story only denied and further suppressed that which I needed to heal. So for me, to truly reinvent my self was to first be revealed at depth. It was to feel through all the woundedness that was veiling the lens of my heart. It was deepening below the dictates of the personality self, and accessing the Soulful Self which always see’s beyond any need of fixing. And when this type of inner work is really committed to, a reinvention does indeed begin to occur.
This reinvention comes from a place that recognizes that the authentic Who is meant to live a life larger than the wounded self can really even comprehend. It is a reinvention that is steeped in Source Grandeur, not ego-grandiosity. It is a reinvention that flowers forth from a deep Knowingness of worthiness and Oneness. It isn't birthed from a need to be approved of or affirmed. It is an organic expression of what it looks like when Divinity births humanity. It rejects nothing, nor does it identify with the story line of the person telling the tale. This reinvention is an expression of the recognition that we are truly here on earth to live magnificent, joyful, passionately loving lives. We are here to truly and to freely shine. We are here to radiate our spirits and give our greatest gifts. The whole of who I am is still in the realm of story, but it is being told from the depths of the One Who is beyond a surface tale. And when the personality self is Sourced from the Soul, the result is an emerging reinvention that continues to more and more reflect the possibility inherent in living our greatest potential right here on earth.
Another reinvention has been occurring in me for the past several months. Something deeper has been calling to me, and has been seeking through me a fuller expression of what I am inspired to give. I lovingly think of myself as a bit of a late bloomer, and I feel heartfully that I have yet to give my greatest gift. I continually ask into the depths of myself as to what is seeking to emerge now? I sense the place in me that is finally beyond attachment to the form my Soulful expression takes. I simply want to align myself with the Source of my Being, listen into the very heart of the moment, and freely give of the talents I have been given in a way that blesses whoever is called to partake. I am open as to how that may change and evolve. One of the practical expressions of this call to expansion is the redesign of my web-site and blog system. This creative endeavor has been flowing forth for many months, and the first phase of the launch will occur on this coming Monday, October 13th. My husband Donald is the architect of the new site, and it has been a great gift to work on this venture together. I am excited to share this project with all of you, and enthusiastic to continue to utilize advanced technologies in giving my gifts.
Monday happens also to be National Coming Out Day, and while it is a chance for LGBT people all over the country and world to be more out, open, and authentic as to who we really are, it is also for me a further coming out and owning of my spiritual gifts. I am stepping even further out of the closet of hidden spiritual Power. I have a mission here, and that mission is to freely give my greatest gifts of love. I can’t fit into the status quo critical mass and be who I am called to be. I can’t play small and fulfill that mission. And so another reinvention is flowering forth, and I am showing up more fully as Who I am meant to be. I invite you to explore any places where you are still hiding in the limiting story, and see if it isn’t time that you came out too. You don’t have to launch a web-site or write a book to be more of Who you truly are.
So come and take a look at www.taylorestevens.com on Monday, October 13th. See the reinvention of the site, and feel the reinvention of my self. And then join me in coming out fully as an actualized expression of love here on earth.
