It is a great paradox that our aversion to pain is what keeps us seemingly locked into it. We humans may often give lip service to the adage “no pain no gain,” yet when we come face to face with pain in any form we could mostly care less what promised gain may be just around the corner. We want out of here, right now.
Though we tend to categorize pain into physical, physic, emotional, relational and so on, the reality is that pain is pain is pain. It is all ultimately the same at the energetic level, and no amount of labeling or categorizing does anything to deter it. The brain is actually not much of an ally in our relationship to pain. The fight-flight mechanism kicks in at the slightest hint of perceived trauma, and we are thrown into reaction faster than we can know what is happening. It is the relationship to pain that I want to focus on in this inquiry.
Pain seems to be inevitable within the human experience. We all encounter it, and we all are mostly resistant to it. Though this resistance seems as inevitable as is the pain, this is where the opportunity of a whole new relationship to pain is possible. Pain within the energetic system creates an automatic contraction. It could also be said that an energetic contraction is actually what is at the root of all pain. While contraction is automatic, resistance is not. Resistance is simply prolonged contraction. Resistance is the pushing against pain. I personally think of pain in the form of an acronym: Pushing Against Internal Now. Though we think that pain is mostly caused by external forces, the truth is that pain is always experienced internally. Pain is always experienced in here. There is a me that is the experiencer of the pain, and it is in coming to awareness of that experiencer that choice becomes possible. Our innate aversion to pain has us trying to create distance from it. This takes a myriad of forms, yet the result is always the same. When we try and distance, we create resistance. Pain in any form is always a call to come closer. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, pain is a call to welcome what it is energetically bringing forth. It is an invitation to allow, to welcome, to attend, and to Presence. Whatever we push against will always push back. In wanting to be free from the pain, we actually tether ourselves to it. Rather than wanting to be free FROM pain, why not open to be free WITH the pain. I so often hear clients speak of being IN pain. I never find this a helpful descriptive. You cannot be IN pain. You can and do have an experience OF pain, but to place ourselves in a position of being lost in an encompassing pain is as inaccurate as it is unhelpful. Pain is indeed a call to freedom. It is not, however, a freedom that is achieved by additional resistance or suppression. Pain is indeed a wake up call. It need not be an enemy. As we awaken and open into the experience of the experiencer, pain becomes opportunity. It becomes an invitation to open where we have been closed. It prompts us to compassion where we have perhaps been judging. It entices us to relax where we have been contracted
I do not see or believe that pain is a punishment. I do not believe that we are here to endure pain until some cosmic debt is paid. I do not hold that we must suffer while here in the human realm; and yet, pain and suffering there is here in the human experience. We are always at choice as to how we relate to it. That choice is by virtue of consciousness, and that truth is not to be taken lightly. The higher the level of consciousness, the more choice that is available. The more choice that is available, the less resistance there is. As long as we insist on distancing ourselves from our experience of pain, this resistance will lead to suffering. In fact, resistance is suffering. When we come into a level of consciousness that allows us to come closer and to presence our places of pain, a great intimacy is achieved and great revelations are at hand. I am not saying that pain must contain a story. It is not that kind of revelation. A deep inner Knowing of Universal comfort, compassion, loving-kindness, and grace are available in our very own choice to come closer and to stay. And miraculously enough, when we stop demanding that there be no pain, pain lessens.
Perhaps there will always be pain. Yet there will also always be the Inner Presence necessary to approach it in a welcoming and embracing heartfulness. Every contraction is a choice to open. Every pain is a choice to welcome. Every challenge is a choice to love. Welcome the experience of pain, and live in the openness that allowing brings. Rather than pushing against internal now, open into the Presence that embraces even the pain as one concentric whole.
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