The vast majority of the world’s population is trying to love from a mental perspective. The filters of programming, mores, and tribal conditioning create a lens through which we then decide whether or not to give and/or to receive love. The reptilian brain is standing between the mental protective shields and the open welcoming heart. If you really stop and feel deeply and directly into it, most of the times that people say I love you there is no real emotional connection to it. It is the thought of I love you landing somewhere between the well intentioned mouth that is saying it and the slightly wincing ears that can barely hear it. The unconscious fear of love is the chasm into which falls the intimate direct connection to our Source and an undefended experience of each other. We are terrified to really be exposed, vulnerable, defenseless, and limitless in our loving. When we were the most open, loving, and authentic, we were hurt. We perceived rejection, and the energetic protective walls went up. This wounding is precognitive, and if you think it isn’t true for you, stop thinking and start feeling. Feel behind the urge to really give irrationally of your love. Are you even in touch with that urge? Feel into the subtle desire to love in spite of. Feel the incessant prompting to release the painful withholding and perceptual pullback. The greatest desire of the heart is to live in integrity with its true nature. Contraction is a natural part of our heartful rhythm. This contraction gives way to and becomes the velocity behind giving the love we are in Truth. To withhold love is to be out of synch with our authenticity. To recoil in fear is the forgetfulness of who we are. Love cannot be rational. It cannot be defended. It cannot be earned. It cannot be conceptualized or thought. It is radical and relentless and non-resistant. It is meant to flow unimpeded from center to circumference. The pain of perpetually withholding will break us in our humanity. It will choke out our life force. We will love or we will die. We love not so much because we choose but because we must. Our evolution is the process of becoming the love we already are. To be too defended to love is to live in a tortuous knot of unexpressed and so unrequited love. To recoil and to hide in perceptual and protective lovelessness is hell. It is hell.
It took me decades to realize the extent to which I was defending my wounded heart. It took enormous amounts of painful withholding to find I was locked in a prison of false identity and lost expression. It took the death of many dreams to realize the fearful inner atmosphere in which I was living was not conducive to living a life that was beyond that fearfulness. Many friends have been lost to the pullback of perceived slights and unmet expectations. It took even longer to awaken to the truth that a life of service is a one way extension. What anyone else thinks of my lectures, writing, teachings, forms of creative expression is none of my business. If I find that I am giving or loving in order to receive approval or affirmation I stop whatever it is that I am doing and I feel the fallacy of that arrangement. The truth of my Soul contract is that I am here to live, to give, to serve love from the Essence of my being to the circumference of my expression. The only seeming loss of love in my life is the love I am unwilling to give. No matter how defended or contracted you may be I am here to love you in and beyond that pretense. It is too painful for me to stay in pullback. It is too tortuous for me to remain in recoil. I am here to love because I must. I must because love is what I am. I am loving beyond reason and beyond duality. I will see the unconsciousness and unskillfulness and I will feel the defense of what is True. And I will love. By staying in vibrational alignment with the One Source of all Love I will choose to be that love. Especially when it makes no sense to this programmed and conditional head, I will welcome you into my open and tender heart. I will risk giving you my love because it is too painful to live in the fear of not doing so. Undefended and undivided no more, I am loving you exactly as you are and I am loving me exactly as I am. In that way, I get to be the love I am in an integrated and embodied way. I get to be a verb of unconditional love. I get to be the love I truly am.
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