Thursday, December 20, 2012


As I begin to type these words I feel a pressure in my chest that I easily identify as the desire, the need, the pent up passion of giving expression to what is most precious, vital, and sacred within me. I have had a deep and quenchless thirst for the Beloved my entire life. Though I have been sidetracked and hoodwinked countless times, life has for me always come back to wanting, indeed longing for the direct experience of my Source more than anything else. My late spiritual director once told me I expect too much from my spirituality. I will always love and respect her and that it is a point we never did agree on. While I thought I was here on this planet to do and to accomplish many things, my top priority has always come back to the mystical merging I know I am meant for. I believe I spent too many years expecting not too much but far too little. Stories of long dead avatars are fine but I want my own interrelationship. Way-showers are great for pointing the way but no other person or intellectual map can replace the intimate encounter I know is my birthright. Rilke invited his students to find their “must” in life and then to pursue it relentlessly. I know what my must is. I have always known what my must is. It is a life rooted in my Source, and an expression that shines that forth into all my encounters and activities.

And so we collectively step through an enormous energetic portal at this time in our collective evolution. An old age is ending, and a new one is birthing forth. Some of us will go through this birth consciously, and some will remain longer in the trance. I know I was born for this time. I know I was born to be freed from the story of unworthiness, shame, addiction, depression, and self-aversion. I know my transcendence is up to me yet not for me alone. Self aversion is very self absorbing. Fearful withholding only seems to be the effect of depression. It is the cause. Being a prisoner in my own programming for so many years was the real hell I was taught was a likely punishment after death. Being locked in my own limiting beliefs, unable to give freely the love I was meant to give, WAS death. It was the real crucifixion. I can no longer hide in fear. I can no longer stay in that old sad story of separation. I can no longer pretend to be less than I incarnated to be. I am here to shine, to serve, to let my life be a story of overcoming and transcendence. And I am here to uplift you as well. As I know my own Sourced splendor I know yours as well. And when you forget I am here to be a loving reminder. I am here to shine my Light into your temporary darkness. I will compassionately listen to your self-stories but I will not believe them. You and I have suffered long enough. The world has suffered long enough.

I am done playing small for fear of being somehow exposed or misunderstood. My Source is greater than any ego story. This is the time for a mass spiritual awakening, and I am devoted to playing my part in this great myth of illumination. I feel myself typing faster and faster and I feel the pressure in my chest becoming words and expression and inspiration. Whatever else I may do during this incarnation I devote myself to enlightened Beingness. I dedicate myself to being a force for peace and compassion. If I begin to slide back into the old habitual story I will stop and I will reconnect to my Soul’s purpose here on earth. I will remember that I am here for something much bigger than myself. I will synch back into my “must.” I must be who and what I came here to be. I must shine the Light of awareness and the frequency of love into all of my moments, into all of my interactions.

The time has come to fully become my must. And there is no turning back now.