Thursday, June 30, 2011


Since my earliest recollections I have lived in the felt-sense awareness that I am here on this earth plane for a very specific purpose. I have always felt an inner calling to expand beyond what the rest of the world was telling me was true. I have always felt like a mis-fit in a world that demanded conformity. I have never and will never be what most people would call normal. This inner quest to stay true to me was long my hell until I came to the realization that my mis-fitness was central to my Soulful purpose. The fact that I was clearly and admittedly different was not the source of my inner hell. It was the ensuing disconnection that caused my torment. Since grade school I have been ostracized and outcast for being the abnormality that I am and have always been. Against this tumultuous background I have also and always felt a profound need to be and to actively give my love. I really didn’t care so much that I didn’t fit into the mold of the status quo society. I just wanted everyone to be able to see beyond the person to the enormous amount of love that I was capable and longing to give. So reject me as a weird non-conformist. Just do not reject my love. Don’t cheat yourself of what I have to give to you. And don’t rob me of the opportunity to be all that I can be in this world that is so in need of love.

I now celebrate the enormous strides I have made in the realization that though others may engage the capacity to reject the loving embrace that I am here to indiscriminately offer, they cannot take away my choice to continue to give my love. It has always been the mis-fits and non-conformists that have moved consciousness forward. They have often been reviled, yet that didn’t squelch their radiance. While I have no need to actively try and not fit in for the sake of non-conformity, I also refuse to live by the limiting constructs of what most people today will label as truth. I will not invest my precious life force in joining in the drone of the current critical mass consciousness. I will not disempower myself by fighting to be accepted by those who choose to reject me or the way I choose to live. I will not energize with my attention the causes that seem contrary to my own chosen way of being. I will not join into what often feels for me profound misperception, yet I also will not choose to disconnect from those who hold what is a relative opposing view. I get to be the authentic self that I am called to be, and your opinion of that does not cause my heart to close. You get to be what you are being called to be, and I will not push you away if your chosen expression isn’t resonant with mine. Beyond our differences and individuality there is a Oneness of Being in which we are eternally and inextricably joined. This Oneness is transcendent of our variances. I am not complete without you, and like it or not, you are not complete without me.

I recognize that I am here for purposes much deeper than that of surface reality. I am here to walk this earth as the authentic and self-referred loving being that I incarnated at this time to be. I can be marginalized but not undone. My personal liberty gives me the choice to remain in Source love. Though others may choose closure, I am choosing to remain in openness. Though others may choose to reject me, I am choosing the inclusion of my all-embracing heart. Though others may choose to pull away, I am choosing the Presencing power of my authentic self which always chooses to stay.

This is for me the very crux of independence. This is for me true freedom. It is not about getting anyone or anything out there to change. It is not about getting the world out there to accept or affirm me. The love I am is unwavering and unconditional. Though the residue of still un-integrated wounding may cause me to periodically wince, I will not close my eyes. I will come back to the essential expression of Who and what I am. I celebrate that I am free today to truly be free. I am free today to continuously make the choice to stay open in love. I am free today to rejoice in the authentically expressing me. And that is the greatest independence and liberty there is.