CRASH

The premise of the Academy Award winning movie Crash is simple yet profoundly difficult to take in: we as human beings crash into each other in all sorts of violent and chaotic ways as unconscious and ill-advised means to connect and to touch.

It doesn’t make logical sense, does it? And yet as I watch this violent and chaotic world unfolding before me, I ponder if indeed it may be true.

In times of tragedy, terrorism, and natural disaster human beings often rise into their most magnificent expression. When looking at demonstrations of the worst of the worst of what humans are capable of there are almost always contrasting acts of heroism, generosity, kindness, and compassion. Superhuman feats of transcendence happen in the middle of terrifying acts of darkness, violence, greed, bigotry, and hatred. It truly is as if unconscionable darkness calls forth the supremacy of light. We see it over and over again.

There are a number of scenarios in Crash where people are thrown together in tragic and terrifying situations that are admittingly difficult to watch. And yet in each of these scenarios people touch and are touched by both violence and tenderness, greed and generosity, bigotry and equanimity, hatred and love. When the characters find themselves in what seem to be insurmountable situations something within them lifts them up and sets them free.

People crash together and are changed by the touch.

With all of the social media and instant internet access we as a culture are less connected than ever before. We mistake virtual access with intimate connection. We have hundreds of “friends” we have in actuality never met. We say things virtually we would never say in actual proximity. Cowardice masked as courage is rampant on all forms of social media.

Perhaps we are more divisive than ever in an unconscious attempt to at least engage. To feel the life force within us meeting the life force in someone else. To feel felt. To be heard and acknowledged, even if it is with reactivity and rebuke.

Perhaps in a world of so much unconsciousness and distraction I would rather crash into you than to never touch you at all.

It is unfortunate to me that many tend to gather with others in a mutuality of against. We dislike and disagree with the same people, so let’s start a club. Let’s paint signs and gather on the street and shout and make news. It won’t feel good or peaceful but at least we will be together and perhaps touch and sense some sort of comradery.

If there is any validity to this thesis, and I personally believe there is, I for one am choosing to consciously touch without the unconscious need to crash. I want to listen to you without requiring that you scream to get my attention. I do not need to wait for tragedy to happen to fully show up and to be my highest self. I do not choose to cluster with others in disagreement and protest. I willingly gather with others who choose to energize what we are indeed for.

I choose connection over protection. I choose intimacy over illusiveness, I choose to open myself to the depth of the human condition. I am willing to risk the hurt in order to feel the love.

The more open I am to chosen connection the less likely I am to require the pain of crashing.

There is a tragic level of disconnect in our culture today. Far more than in 2006 when the movie Crash was released. We feel it. We long to connect and touch. Our shared humanity calls to us to listen. To see. To connect. To touch.

Let’s not wait for the next tragedy to do so.

BUT, IS IT TRUE?

There was a time when not only did people believe the world was flat, they made decisions based on that fact.

This is not only evidence of the power of belief. It is also evidence that as beliefs evolve and change, so do the subsequent decisions.

The beliefs that governed my life a few decades ago are largely not the beliefs that govern my life today. That is because for me many beliefs become like shoes that are too tight. If I really like the shoes, I may still wear them for a while. I may choose situations of short duration to sport them. I may need to wear band aids on my heels. But eventually the pain becomes too great and I change what shoes I am choosing to wear.

Many of the beliefs that I was programmed with by family, church, and culture began to feel too tight and too ill fitting for me as the years rolled by. As I grew in Spirit and in awareness the old beliefs and perceptions began to cause me pain. They were too small for my expanding consciousness. They no longer fit who I was becoming.

But as those perceptions were familiar, I continued to keep them as a lens even after they began to cause me pain. I defended the beliefs because they were bonds to my tribal system. I walked through my life in and from those beliefs. They fed the way I thought. They framed my experience of who and what I thought I was. They kept me fitting in. And fitting in is encoded as survival. If I took off those beliefs and went out on my own, what would happen to me?

Slowly and often not so gently I began to free myself from my own painful perceptions and erroneous beliefs. I learned that doing so was not a simple mental process. I needed to go down into my emotional body, and address what underlie the beliefs. Relationships began to change and, in some cases, become turbulent, as our perceptual systems were no longer resonant. I had to move through the discomfort of supreme not knowing. Releasing one thought system, and not yet forming a new perceptual matrix, I floundered in the in-between.

I began to find evidence that indeed my beliefs were faulty. Many things I believed I could never do I found myself freely engaged in. Many perceptions that kept me defended against others crumbled and I found myself in a greater degree of connection and union. The world I thought was flat was indeed round. I wasn’t who I thought I was, and the world was not as I had framed it.

The evolution of my consciousness has blessed me with increasing internal space. An expansion is happening, and I relish it. So when it begins to feel cramped in here, I question how I am thinking and what I am believing. I ask myself “but is it true?” That simple question brings me back to center and gives me the opportunity to take off the cramping shoes. Then I can walk about freely and with clarity. And gratefully. Oh, so gratefully.

And for you, dear reader; are there any tight-fitting beliefs in need of release? Any perception you may question in the name of freedom? “But, is it true?”

WHAT WANTS TO GIVE?

I have long loved the feeling of possibility that comes during the transition between two calendar years. I have shared before regarding the energetic trajectory that is accelerated when many people are focused on intentions, goals, and resolutions. The critical mass consciousness is amped up for around 21 days surrounding the new year. It is palpable to me. I sense it, I feel it, and I personally choose to join in it.

The transition into the opening days of 2019 is no exception. While I am finding it to be a bit more chaotic than in years past, the sense of increasing potentiality is unmistakable. I find myself with equal parts of excitement and uncertainty. I am very clear about what I am internally called to. That is my priority for certain. And yet there is a pull regarding relationships and current life circumstances that is far more opaque. I cannot put it into words or bring it into view.

Something is calling for change. Something is stirring in not so gentle ways. I have always been highly intuitive, but this burgeoning impulse is not coming into clarity. I rarely fear change, so I do not believe that it is fear muddying the waters. There is a core of discontent in my solar plexus that simply won’t break through into clarity. It won’t reveal itself to me. At least not yet.

It is uncomfortable for sure, and I am good with that. This impending change or changes does not feel foreboding, though I do sense it could be major. Something needs to give. Something maybe even needs to die. There is a chain that is seeking to be broken. What that chain has held in place I yet do not know.

There is something or perhaps things that I need to let go of. Things that are standing in the way of a greater good. Situations and circumstances that have gotten too small. Relationships that are far too shallow. Withheld expressions that are crying for release.

Though uncomfortable I trust what is happening within me. I am clear how I spiritually, emotionally, artistically want to show up in 2019. My service to the world and my commitment to love is unwavering. My reason for being has never been clearer. With that as my foundation I can patiently wait for the changes to be revealed. As long as I am clear about what I am and who I am choosing to be the rest is placement.

And so, I wait. I explore my internal terrain. I look for clues. I curiously and even excitedly contemplate what is about to be revealed. I ride the waves of the collective even as I stay true and faithful to my autonomous self.

It is a rich and fertile time. I am grateful to be where I am, and I am staying wakeful for where I am being led next. For what is next in this great adventure of life. Amped up with possibility I am saying yes. Yes to whatever it is that wants to give way.