Though growing older is often associated with limitation and a shrinking sphere of experience I am not personally finding that to be the case at all. There are certainly things that I used to be able to do physically that I can no longer do. There were a number of years when I averaged seven to ten dance classes per week while also hoofing it in eight performances of a musical. That seems a long time ago now for sure. My pace may have slowed but I am gratefully more present to what I am choosing to do, and the decreased speed has heightened my attention to the wonders I am sure I used to race right by.
I have found that rather than contracting into a shrinking world my interior experience in particular has become deepened, broadened, and heightened. I recall my late mother lamenting how her world had become mostly the world of her recliner and her television set. Part of that was her declining health for sure. As I have aged I have lost the desire to constantly be doing something or going somewhere, and that has little to do with the capabilities of my body. I tire from too much constant stimulation, not physical exertion. I relish opportunities to sit and to simply stare. To contemplate life from the sweet vantage point of my open, engaged heart and my very vital attention and imagination. I can now watch a bird bathing or a butterfly flower dancing for as long as they remain in my line of vision. I can now experience far more from the chair in my Florida room than I ever did in my high speed New York lifestyle.
My interior experience is growing more intimate, more curious, more fascinating with each passing day. I have found something I didn’t even know I was looking for; I have found a friendly inner environment in and from which to live. I really like being in here. I am at home in myself. I am coming to know myself better and to love myself more. My world is expanding because the experience in here is expanding. I am welcoming what is occurring. I have finally come to peace with what is. I have little to prove anymore. I am no longer compelled to run around achieving. Whether I am traveling afar or at home in my favorite chair the primary experience is an internal one.
I am still quite active for sure. But I no longer need to be. There is nothing to outrun anymore. My ever-expanding world is the world within. And I am so grateful to be happy here in now.
