So, what are you waiting for?
It feels clearer to me than ever before that the greatest human fear is the fear of love. Yes, I know. Your mind is disagreeing. All sorts of spiritual truisms arise that will prove my thesis wrong. And after twenty years of counseling countless men and women there hasn't been one for which an unconscious fear of love has been the primary cause of their distress.
When we were most open and vulnerable and innocent an unintentional message that who we are is not okay was delivered right into the center of our wide open and undefended hearts. It most likely came in the form of well-meaning parenting. It came in the form of early education and theology. It came from older siblings and unloved others. This wounding happened before we were cognitive beings. It happened at the time when what we felt emotionally was who we believed ourselves to be. And so those initial arrows to the heart became a felt-identity and an unerring attractor. We then built self-stories that matched this emotional degradation. And so instead of living as wide open beings of love we began to wait. We withheld our love until we sensed what was coming at us. We sniffed out every situation in an effort to not re-experience those staggering pangs of grief, fear, and shame. And in withholding the deeper identity of love, we became imposters to what we truly are.
So, what are you waiting for?
The only way out of this early hurtful programming is through. Moment by moment we are called to make the choice to no longer wait and withhold but to make the choice to return to the open and undefended state of being which is love itself. We are called to take the risk to meet the moment with an open heart and an undefended presence. We are enticed to summon the courage to be the first to open. To be the first to reach out. To be the cause of the connection. To compassion the inner child that still winces from the hurt but knows intuitively that the deeper identity is a unidirectional force of love, kindness, and caring. Waiting to be loved is waiting to live. We are here not to wait for love but to be the love and to give the love in which we then live. Trying to get the love we perceived we lacked is the greatest illusion and the most insidious suffering. We are not here to get love. We are here to give love. And then through that same aperture of openness we receive the reflection of the love we have chosen to give. Giving love is our identity and our purpose. As long as we wait we will not know who and what we are.
So, what are you waiting for?
So, okay. I’ll go first. I am writing these words as an expression of my love. I sense the little boy within who knew great criticism and far too little encouragement. I will not let the remaining wince result in my withholding. I will take the risk to put my love into perhaps unskillfully constructed sentences and allow my caring to supersede my syntax. I will give beyond my thoughts of how this will be received. I will not wait to express my heart. I will love because that is ultimately what I am, and the pain of withholding is far greater than the risk of being rejected. I will no longer wait for you to love me. I will love you now. As is. Your choice to wait is beyond my control. My choice to love is my choice to wait no longer.
So here it is. Here is my heart. Here are my words. Defended no more, here is my love. Receive it if you will. Or wait. It will still be with you when you choose to open to it. Let my love heal the hurt. Let my love restore the innocence, the openness. Let my love. Just let my love.
So, what are you waiting for?
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