I have begun the New Year in a very unconventional way; by spilling and breaking things.
I haven’t done so intentionally. My intention for 2014 is to fully embody Truth and to live and to serve life from that actualized inner space. Those preceding words are an attempt to verbalize what is far beyond the limitations of words. It is also a compacted version of a very personal commitment that makes it fit for public consumption and for these purposes.
So as I felt and responded to the depth of what Life is seeking to demonstrate through me during the coming year I decided to celebrate with a health drink concoction rich with acai berry concentrate, tart cherry juice, cranberry juice, protein powder, and some assorted fruit for good measure. Then after making it I promptly spilled it on the dining room table which was covered at the time with a white lace cloth. Hmm. And this was New Years Day.
The next evening after enjoying leftovers from my favorite traditional New Years feast I preceded to knock my plate off of the kitchen counter and watch as it shattered into a ceramic, food laced mess upon the floor. I might mention that this is the first dish broken from a set I obtained in 1993. And hmm again…
Now I am not the type of metaphysician who is compelled to force a mental meaning on everything that happens to and around me. And I am an ever curious and intense observer of life that recognizes when my Soul is delivering a message to my sometimes obtuse personality self.
Embodying and actualizing Truth is an often messy and uncomfortable thing. Anyone familiar with my teachings has heard me say this before. This is not to make it so. Yes, I recognize that trap in misinterpretation. I say it because I wish someone had let me in on that secret sooner. When you dedicate yourself to living in and from a spiritual paradigm things get spilled and things get broken. Parts of the personality need to die and aspects of the Soul relentlessly seek to be born. It is not a journey for the timid or faint hearted. We are called to finally spill all the illusions we have clung so desperately to. We are beckoned to break down the walls we have hidden behind; erroneously believing they have kept us safe. We must drop our defenses and surrender our self images. We must give up our addiction to comfort and release the demand for instant gratification. It is not for me a surface perfect picture that I am seeking. I want the whole thing. I want my whole self. I want to know my Source in such a way that allows It to Shine through me. I am committed to allowing Life to break me open in order to set me free. I gratefully surrender my need for comfort and order and control. As if I ever had it anyway.
As I started my year with breakage and spillage my husband Donald was right there both times, patiently helping me to clean up the messes I had made. Life is like that too. Life has always been there for me. Help has always been there. I haven’t always recognized it or allowed myself to be assisted. But I know that there are angels and guides all around me. There job isn’isn't always about making sure things don’t get broken or spilled. There job is to be right there guiding, supporting, compassioning, and loving me amidst the messes. That is the most confounding thing of all. The Divine is always there, right in the middle of the mess. If we never spill or break we miss that beautiful recognition.
And so I mindfully place glasses and dishes in there proper places and I am strangely comforted to know that other things will eventually spill and break. Things within me are in a radical state of change so chaos is part of the plan. I trust in that. I trust that my moments of discomfort and confusion are in service of something far greater than what appears to be happening. I am placing my faith in that. And in a Universe that is always available to help me clean up the mess.