It seems like other people have wanted to define and/or change me my entire life.
I allowed that fact to torture me for many years. The suffering began to ease when I could clearly see that, for starters, the dynamic has little to do with those around me and everything to do with an engaged factor in the agenda of my own Soul. It is also an indication that I am an open enough individual for people to feel comfortable sharing what they want to share without fear of reaction or repercussion. That is a mixed blessing for sure.
These awareness’s have brought me to peace with the repetitive dynamic and yet they have also invited me into a deeper level of self-definition and referral. When I say self-definition let me be clear that I am not speaking of the personality self. I live within a consistent prayer that seeks to align within a Source-definition and a Soulful self-referral. It is clearly the personality self that those around me have sought to define, fix, and rearrange. It is my personality self that for so many years took this personally and unconsciously chose the path of the chameleon. I thought I had to be what you wanted me to be and do what you wanted me to do in order to have the much needed love and acceptance I craved. I was an actor on stage and in life. I agreed with you in order for you to stay, though it often was to the detriment of my own authenticity. I guess at a deep level I was so confused about who I was I hoped you would have the answer. Little did I know then that I was being defined by people just as clueless as to their identity as was I. If that were not the case, they certainly wouldn’t have wasted their projections on trying to reconfigure me.
In this age of mass information and social media autonomy is more crucial than ever. We have been given by our Creator the gift of free will and choice. We get to choose who we are going to be in any given moment, and we get to choose how we are going to show up. This looks simple and obvious as words on a page, but free will and choice are always related to where we currently are in consciousness. Our sense of self is meant to always enlarge and expand. But it is meant to expand from the inside out. We were not born to constantly react to external stimuli. Awakened consciousness spirals out from center to circumference. To consciously co-create that center must be in synch within our Source. We are called to be governed by our Souls, not by our programming. Not by current cultural trends. Not by those around us, no matter how well intentioned they may be. The path of the Soul is the path of autonomy, and THEN intimacy. It is the path of Soulful self-referral. It is the path of conscious choice and deliberate contribution. You will know you are aligned with your Soul-definition by the peace in your gut and the lack of reactivity in your interactions. I can smile now when others try to define and change me, though quite honestly it rarely happens anymore. My own inner strength radiates out, and it is strength of certainty and purpose. It is not as open to interpretation as my former sense of self was.
What you think of me is none of my business. And who I am choosing to be is quite frankly none of yours. My choice of how I behold and interact with you is definitely central to how I choose to show up here. I am more committed than ever to caring and compassioning the often painful ways that people navigate this world. I am committed to staying present to the story and yet ever vigilant to what lies beneath it. I will not identify you by a momentary place in an always evolving consciousness. I will not allow others to identify me with what is currently out picturing either. My autonomous presence is my authentic power. I am not yet all that I know I am called to be, but I celebrate that I am miles ahead of where I was. I live within both a deep internal knowingness and a fluid state of uncertainty regarding who and what I am. I am peaceful in the awareness that I am evolving to who I am by exploring and releasing what I am not. And that is just the way consciousness works to free us from the bondage of personality-self identification. Autonomy is the home of my connections. And that is the choice that I am making today.
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