Monday, April 20, 2009
A BIRTHDAY BLOG
As I begin this edition of RADICAL EXPRESSION, I am keenly aware of a profound sense of AWE within the center of my being. I have been riding on waves of APPRECIATION most of this day, though I have had a number of tasks to accomplish. I am particularly grateful to be connected to a sense of BLESSING at this venture of my life journey; tomorrow, the 21st, another numerical digit will be added onto this incarnation. I giggle as I recall a line from the play THE LION IN WINTER: “I am older than I ever intended to be.” Though the cliché “age is a state of mind” has been parroted repeatedly to me during the past weeks, my humanness is perceiving fifty- two as a bit daunting. I am actually welcoming that feeling. I have no need to label it away. The fact is that I have entered the autumn of my life, and I want to experience all that my humanity offers in its fullest expression. Aging, when embraced, brings with it a myriad of lessons. I personally do not care to act as if I am not aging, or to deny how that may feel within the human realm. I recognize that I am not choosing to identify with all of the limitations that tribal thinking brings to this era of my life. Nor am I disconnecting from the embodied form that is changing with the passing years. I am indeed an eternal spiritual Essence, and I am housed now in human form. One is an eternal Truth, and one is relative. But both are to be embraced. My current level of consciousness is what is bringing about the sense of awe, appreciation, and blessing that I mentioned above. I spend great periods of my days awake to what is happening within and around me. I live in a perpetual state of Remembrance. That brings me great joy. At the same time, I am experiencing physical changes that are calling me to an increased level of compassion and Presence. They are not changes that are preferred, yet here they are. A much older man is now looking at me from my mirror. Things are not physically where they used to be. The law of gravity is at work, and the toning exercises that seemed to always give a lift are now resulting in more of a lag. So there is very evident spirit, and there is fairly visible sag. And all of it is a part of my life experience, so I am choosing to open to it all.
Even with the slight trepidation about turning 52, I have a great sense of possibility about my Nows. I am in a state of Being where I can look back at all that has been and smile. I can look upon all of the unskillfulness with compassion and with mercy. I am treating myself with more loving-kindness than ever before. That capability is expanding the givingness that is so much a part of my purpose. I awaken with a sense of gratitude for simply being here upon this wondrous planet another day. I live within the felt-sense Knowingness of Who and What I am, and why I am here in this incarnation. I open daily into the inquiries of HOW NOW SHALL I LIVE? WHAT NOW MAY I GIVE? Those questions have become my guiding stars, and I keep my sights upon them as I navigate through my days. I know that I am in the best time of my life, and that I have a great gift of love to give while I am still here in this slightly sagging, sometimes creaking body temple. And that is truly the reason I am here. To live into and to give from within the Love I am. I am truly grateful to be just as I am this day, and I have waited 52 years to be able to say that.
As I end this edition of RADICAL EXPRESSION, I do so with an even greater sense of AWE and appreciation: for you, my beloved readers. And for myself, the older yet wiser man in the mirror who continues to show up giving his gifts of love.
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