RIGHT RELATING

I have always been surrounded by the exact right mix of people to ensure that my spiritual emergence remains on schedule.

That has included people who have loved me as close to unconditionally as I believe is humanly possible. I can count those on one hand with fingers to spare.

It has also included people that I swore were sent to this planet just to work my last nerve. There have been a long and winding parade of those.

We are wounded in relationship and we heal in relationship.

Do not let the tidiness of that sentence fool you.

I deeply appreciate the fact that I now recognize the people that have populated my life as precious teachers in my own Soul curriculum. I am grateful to now know that whether these teachers seemed to be a blessing or rather they seemed to be a curse they were all teaching me lessons that I myself needed to learn.

Some of these teachers were wearing the very best of me. And some of these teachers were wearing the worst. When I began to realize that what I saw in them were things that I had disowned in me this life as a classroom became oh so much more precious. And peaceful. And empowering.

Prayer, meditation, Spiritual Principle, and service have always been easy for me. Human relationships: not so much. I am a classic introvert. I love people, I just usually prefer to not be around them.

And so, it has been in relating to others that my greatest challenges and most profound triumphs have occurred. I have done enough internal work in this area to be able to report this with no shame and little fear of judgmental or retaliating comments.

I have very few people that I consider friends. I have many acquaintances. I have a public form of service/vocation that includes being often surrounded by people. I place social media in what for me is a proper perspective. I do not confuse it with intimacy or friendship.

That does not mean there are not teachers there. They are everywhere. In the acquaintances. In the congregation. In the grocery, restaurant, deli, and theater. On social media and in sales calls.

What makes all these teachers so precious and valuable is not how they show up in our relating. What matters most is how I relate to them in their way of relating to me. What lessons I may glean when I see them as the wondrous teachers they truly are. How I relate, regulate, and choose to respond.

If I choose to make them villains, I fail the test of our relating and the next version of them is surely on the way. If I believe that their affirmative way of treating me somehow makes me better and more, I become dependent on that treatment and it strains the relationship and will likely ensure a fall.

I have learned that the right way of relating for me is to see all beings as equal Divine expressions here to unfold our highest and best via how we show up in relationship. One to another. Struggle, strain, and all.

Some of those beings will love me. And some of them will not. Properly and spiritually framed it is most accurate to say that some of those people will remember that they love me, and some will not. And it is the same for me. We are all beings of Love here to remember that it is already the case. And that plays out in relationship.

So I have always had the exact right mix of people to ensure my spiritual emergence is on schedule. And you, dear reader, are a part of that.

And what am I here to teach you?

THE RIGHT TO BE WRONG

I have the right to be wrong.

There are moments when Life lands in me like a sonic boom of awareness. Such was a moment this morning when intellectual knowledge became felt experience.

I have the right to be wrong.

Being wrong is my right by virtue of my humanity. Humans are by nature imperfect and fallible. We all make mistakes. We all stumble and fall. Sometimes when we fall, we take others with us. We are unskillful and sometimes unconsciousness. The friendlier we are with that fact the less our imperfection will kidnap us. The friendlier we are with that fact the less we will lead with pretense. The less we lead with pretense the less likely we are to react in defense.

Having the right to be wrong does not mean we do not seek to be better. In fact, the right to be wrong is a perfect context for betterment and transformation. It is also the perfect platform for being merciful to others. It is a perfect container for compassion. In this regard perfection is perfected in imperfection. The more I can allow and embrace my own unskillfulness the more I can allow and embrace yours.

I suspect that what landed so soundly for me this morning is the fact that I have for decades sought to allow for others “wrongness.” I have imperfectly yet consistently chosen to always seek to forgive when others have wronged or hurt me. At a level I think I took on too much of others unresolved emotion. I made it about me. When I have asked for forgiveness and was denied it I felt even worse about my unfortunate relating. I have always held myself to a higher standard than I have held others. I have persistently given others the right to be wrong. Imperfectly, but consistently.

I have not consistently shown myself the same mercy.

So today I make amends to my oh-so imperfect self. I give myself the right to be wrong. I grant myself permission to sometimes screw up. When I do, I will forgive myself first and foremost. I will also apologize, ask for forgiveness, and amend my wrongdoings. If I am forgiven, great. If I am not, I will not make that about me.

I will not make others unforgiveness about me.

Only a false god withholds forgiveness.

I have long known of my imperfection. I have been painfully aware of my wrongs. Today I feel as if I have been granted a bit more spaciousness to move around in. A bit purer acceptance of my own fallibility. More breathing space. Less pressure. This gives me more room to come from that kind of atmosphere when others deal unskillfully with me. It gives me more freedom to disidentify when others hold me in contempt.

I have the right to be wrong. And so do you.

And the right to be wrong feels so very right.