There is always something greater than just me.
It is that knowing that finally set me free.
I have spent most of this time of pandemic distancing becoming clear about the power of conscious connection. Mine has always been a path of introversion and autonomy. One of my primary lessons to learn in this lifetime is to be self-determining. As a child this capacity was not cultivated or encouraged. In fact, it was punished. Though there was always a strong streak of independence inside of me that capacity was beaten down every time it arose. I am long past being a victim to this relative annihilation. I deeply know that it was and is a necessary part of my Soul-emergence. This broader perspective contributed to my sense that something greater was always happening as the context of my life.
In mid-March it was determined that the Unity congregation I am blessed to lead could no longer safely or responsibly continue to meet in person. I knew, and I knew that I knew, that the macro-pandemic and the micro-response were and are in service of something greater than just the surface appearances. And so, I immediately began to explore what that would mean for my internal experience and my external expression.
There is always something greater than just me.
I instinctually knew that this effectual pandemic was the revelation of something collective and causal. It was and is the outpicturing of something that we all need to see. While I believe this to be cosmic in scope there is only one place that I can effect any contributory change: inside of me. And so, I began that exploration as soon as distancing began. I started immediately to apply my life-long lessons of self-determination and autonomy to how I would show up during this time. I became more and more committed to being an awakened change-agent for whatever the duration of this distressing time would be.
Wow.
Months later I am still in the process of applying and reapplying the lessons. I have done deep dives into my own consciousness to see what I need to uncover and forgive. Though I have worked fulltime throughout I have also spent swaths of time asking Truth what it is I need to see in me that might prove to be liberating to the whole. This has been especially true in terms of relationships. I have been vitally invested in seeing how my ways of relating have been contagious in detrimental ways. I have sought to heal the ways in which my autonomy has not allowed for a deeper intimacy. I have explored the ways in which my self-determination has not been inclusive of the whole.
In short, I have become clearer and cleared that there is always something greater than just me.
And I am in fact responsible to that something greater.
This pandemic has global reach and consequences. There have been suggestions, invitations, and even mandates about how we could respond to lessen the effects of what is globally viral. It is a shared experience, though at varying levels of effect. There are places in the world that have policed the mandates. There are places in the world, the USA as an example, that have been far less rigid in its approach.
We are seeing the consequences of these distinct and disparate approaches.
The land of the free is not always the home of the brave.
I have never been clearer that my choices have consequences for more than just me. I am a part of the whole of humanity, and the whole of all living beings. Every single choice I make, conscious or unconscious, affects the whole. This is not conceptual for me. I have made decisions from it. I have applied it in very practical ways. I have based my Covid experience on the fact that my choices are contagious. That if I risk my health based on my choices it will impact others. Not it may impact others. It will.
I am in relationship with the whole. And I am responsible to that relationship.
I honestly believe that relationship-responsibility is one of the lessons we are collectively meant to learn from this pandemic experience. We ultimately cannot choose that we are connected. We can only choose how we connect. If we connect is only relative. We are inextricably bound by virtue of our connection. I can ignore you, yet I remain atone with you. That can be an excruciating lesson to learn. It most often is.
I distance because I am atone with you. I distance to remain in service to you. I distance because I know I am contagious, in consciousness and in physicality. I distance because I am responsible for and to our connection. If I claim relationship to you then I am accountable to my choices. And I choose to be in relationship with you.
There is always something greater than just me.
That something greater is we.
The meta-me is the connected we. How I show up during this time is my contribution to the whole. I am autonomous, and I am atone. I am self-determining, and I use that to make decisions that benefit all.
There is something greater than just me. The something greater is we.
Knowing this has set me free.
