I am here to redeem the in-between in 2019.
Be careful what you pray for.
Though I have never much cared for that former later statement I must admit that sometimes it feels true.
I have for many years selected a theme to guide me through my calendar years. I do so by praying into my Highest Self and by seeking to align with what is seeking to know itself in me. I have become better and better at recognizing the orchestration that ensues from my affirmative theme. This is one of the reasons I am absolutely sure that the Universe is always listening and always responding to what we align and open to. I know that I know that I am always being guided into my Highest and best expression. I am always being shown what I need to see, hear, release, and become. This guidance is foolproof, which I personally need as I navigate this world of chaos and misperception.
So, this year’s theme arose quite quickly out of a meditative process in November of last year. I was actually praying into what would be an appropriate and timely theme for the community that I lead. I do not necessarily have separate touchstones for my individual and collective directions. They always compliment each other. But on this day I was specifically praying into the banner for our Unity Center.
I am here to redeem the in-between in 2019.
Okay, I will go with that.
I could instantly feel a trajectory flowing forth from the statement. In more traditional language I might call it the Trinity. It is Source, leading to Sourced, leading to Sourcing. It is Principle, leading to personal, leading to shared. I could state it in a myriad of ways. I trust you are catching the drift.
I am always living in the in-between. I always have the opportunity to be aware that I am In Source, having a personal experience, and then choosing to relate to the out there in a particular way. This dynamic is true in each and every moment. Though we may be asleep to it, it is always active. To awaken spiritually is to awaken to the choice point of the present moment. To choose how to relate, and thus to choose what we contribute to the moments of our lives and to the entirety of the world.
We all fall asleep at times. We all go unconscious. We all fall prey to our reptilian nature and react in ways we later regret. It is part and parcel of the human condition. If we accept this and allow contrast and regret to be our teacher this reactivity becomes a precious though ruthless taskmaster. We are invited to see that the world is always a reflection of our own consciousness. Life is mirroring for us what we most need to see. It is showing us, via external conditions, what we do not know we do not know. When we see this, we then again have a choice. We either blame conditions and others, resulting in staying stuck. Or we accept what we are seeing, own it, forgive it, and thus redeem the in-between.
This can be messy and uncomfortable business.
Believe me. I know.
It will also set us free.
And so, I set out to redeem the in-between in 2019.
I didn’t see it coming.
And I stayed with it. And I owned it. And I forgave. And I stayed, owned, and forgave some more.
I will spare my readers the sometimes-gory details.
It was a radical, revelatory, and revolutionary year.
Am I here to tell you that I am fully redeemed?
It involved content for sure. There were things and relationships to release. There was health to be restored in a very dramatic way. There were priorities to solidify and boundaries to be established and reinforced. I have fewer but truer people in my life. I am thirty-five pounds lighter and have dropped even more baggage. I have somewhat unskillfully moved through lifelong trauma that I, even after years of emotional fluency work, didn’t know was there.
Even with all of that it ended up being far more about patterns and relating than particulars and effects.
I am here to redeem the in-between.
Though a new theme has emerged for 2020 I know that redeeming the in-between is my purpose, my calling, my mission from here on out. I am here to allow my internal world to be a space for Source to happen. I am here to stay awake to the potential of each moment. Of each interaction. Of the impact that I am always having.
I am always contributing something. The only question is what.
So, it occurred to me on this eve of a new year and a new decade that at my age it could be the last beginning decade I will encounter. Or at least the final one where I am actively working in a formal ministry.
That doesn’t scare me one bit.
It inspires me.
I have never been friendlier with my imperfection or more dedicated to transcending it. Not for me alone. For the sake of all beings.
I am somewhere between birth and death. Every single day is an opportunity to serve and to love more. There is an urgency in me. I do not know how much time I have to do that. But I do know I have today. I have now. I have this blog. This platform for sharing my authentic experience.
Between my desire to share these words with you and your chosen experience of them there is a choice. If you have decided to read this far, and are open in the in-between space of me and you, please hear this:
May 2020 be the most radical, revolutionary, radiant year of your life. I am trusting that it will be.
As for me?
I will be living out a new theme, even as I continue to redeem the in-between.